BPDFamily.com

 
I've recently discovered this disorder, read through many articles and also read books on the subject of BPD.
Growing up with a father that certainly showed evident signs of BPD was extremely difficult.  His processing of information was difficult to understand and impossible to live with, yet, I loved him and wanted him to realize that he could trust me. However; as much as I loved him and wanted the relationship to be better, he wouldn't take responsibility for his behavior and I had to make a decision that ultimately would save me from more pain. I walked away. I had to.
Had I known about this disorder earlier, it would of changed things. I have friends who have mental disorders, so I already know what that looks and feels like. We have a great relationship, because I know that they process things differently. It doesn't make our relationship easy, but it does put things into perspective.
My siblings have had personal issues stemming from our dysfunctional childhood, but I do find it rather interesting that my life has revolved around mental illness in various ways and it must mean something, ultimately pointing me to my own father's condition. Just recently, as I was going through some of my father's things (he passed away recently), I came upon a psychiatric evaluation that was in his desk. There was no name on it, but as I read through the document, shocked that it showed signs of someone with a personality disorder and traits of narcissism. I can't say this was my father's evaluation, but I can say that as I read it, it certainly followed the behavioral traits of someone with BPD. I truly feel that my father suffered through this disorder most of his life and it took a tremendous toll on him, as it did with his wife and kids.  I joined this forum to see what others are going through or have gone through and I just want to support, learn and encourage someone with BPD that there is no shame in the game. We're all working to better ourselves in one way or another. 

Welcome pbnjsandwich:     

I'm sorry for the loss of your father and for the difficult relationship you had with him.  Did anyone else on his side of the family have a mental illness?

How old was your dad, when he passed?  What BPD or NPD traits did he exhibit?

My father passed in October of 2014 and my mom in Feb. of 2015.  During the time that my parent's health began to fail, my sister began exhibiting some classical symptoms of BPD and painted me black (splitting).  I was the one who went into therapy, where I learned about BPD.  At the suggestion of my therapist, I read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  That book had this website referenced, and here I am.

I don't think my dad had BPD, but after all my research on BPD, I can see that he had some of the traits.  He was critical, angry and grumpy.  I think he had untreated anxiety and depression for many years.  Unlike many people with BPD, he didn't abuse substances or get physically abusive.  During the last  8-10 years of his life, we occasionally got him to take an antidepressant.

My sister, however, began to exhibit splitting, projection, lying, and blaming.  I never felt physically threatened by my father, but my sister went into a couple of rages where she was way too close and in my face.  I felt that she could easily have hit me.  Then, she would hang up during phone calls.  She could start an argument on the phone, where there was none to be had.  It took reading posts on this website for me to realize that others, like my sister, can seem to have fairly normal relationships with some people (like my sister and her church friends), but be horrible to a relative or partner


What would you have done differently?  Would you have maintained contact with your dad?