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I'm post argument. Very anxious, very angry and very upset.

My wife and i have spoken at great length about my time outs. I know when she's going too far and when I need to exit, although by this point I'm usually too angry. I know I should leave before that point.

Tonight I went upstairs. She waits 20 seconds and follows me, continuing to tell me I'm rediculous as she was only 'asking questions' about a female colleague and that I'm blowing it all out of proportion.

I took the bait and continued to JADE, eventually snapping out of it and telling her to respect the space and go downstairs, otherwise I'd go and find some space for a couple of hours. This she did - a first, I normally have to leave the house with her embarisingly chasing after me.

She returned to get to the bottom of the Real feelings an hour later. I again repeated my expectation that I want her to respect my space if I leave for some time out.

I guess writing it all down shows what I've done wrong. I continue to engage with her after seeking a time out, reinforcing the view that I don't really mean it. How do you cope with the baiting though? The loaded statements about your character that you feel you must defend?

Should I have left the house in the first instance?

How else can I improve this boundry?

Good effort! It sounds like you know all the theory - so it's just practice to make it easier.

As you said:
- you have a boundary, but don't actually enforce it. You need to be stronger. Once you leave for "your space", refuse to engage again. If she follows, state "I need time out. I will come and talk to you in X mins". Be a broken record. No matter WHAT she says - just state the broken record line.
- leave before you get angry

But you already know this. This is a skill that just takes times to master.