BPDFamily.com

 
This past week instead of being angry I've been very pensive.  In a healthy way I think.  I didn't want it to end but I information my own sanity and health it had to. So what was a grieving about?  Why was I angry when it was all said and done? and why did it last that long?  Here's what I came up with while I was at the beach earlier today.
The subject of BiPD/BPD is a serious matter.  Here we have entire family structures being destroyed by this/these disorder(s).  There are no right or right answers.  Folks are suffering with no place to run; both the sufferer and their love ones.  That’s no laughing matter.  At the end of the day the details that destroyed the r/s are irrelevant.  I’m referring to the lies, cheating, manipulation, attention seeking, and or if it is or not purposely.  Who cares?

Once it’s all said and done it is doomsday. The only feeling one can hang on to is anger.  This is probably why here and in other comparable sites so much time is spent on advising the love ones to let go, run, whatever.  It’s the fear of losing that last feeling in the r/s bc once that’s gone it means it’s really over.  Yet, sooner than later you know it “must” come to that.  The heart says “I love you”.  Your common sense is saying, she is doing everything in her power to make certain this is “just” another failed r/s.

It’s bad enough one has to work through the other godforsaken feelings that are between like and dislike, of this person.  Now, to move forward “also” have to let go of the anger?  Once you give up on the anger what’s left?  NOTHING!

Makes it all seem like it was all for nothing.  A waste of time, which eventually develops into an indescribable (duh) feeling.  Yet, you must move on.  The advice given by all…professionals and others in your personal life atm can only be understood as “ignore your feelings”.  There’s lots of fish in the sea.  Which during that low-spirited time those words only sound like an insensitive cliché... .>go out and meet people.  Do it all over again. Play street dice (with your life) see what happens and hope next time around the time you waste getting acquainted, loving, and building with the next doesn’t turn to ___; yet again. 

I just read this over and I think I still have some more healing to do. Im working on it. The good thing I noticed here is that my story is not all about her. Can wait until the day I no longer want to discuss or write about the subject.

Actually there's a lot after the anger FBM, although you can hang onto it if you want.  It's not so much about letting go of the anger but moving through it.

As we know there are stages of grieving, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, not necessarily in that order, but it is possible, and normal, to work through all of them when we've had a significant loss.  There are also the stages of detachment over there -------->
not sure if you've reviewed those lately and know where you are?

It's great that you're acknowledging your anger, that's stage one of detachment BTW, and it's great you're getting introspective and focusing more on you rather than your ex, that's progress.

Ignoring your feelings is not a great plan, seems you're aware of that, and when we ignore our feelings they don't go away, they just show up somewhere else, and it's great you're digging into what's going on with you instead of repeating the pattern, that too is progress.

Take care of you!