BPDFamily.com

just trying to get over a relationship with a BPD woman. Hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm not sure why! The year we were together wasn't great by any means, but I keep wondering why

Hi GJKOPRIV,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I know these break-ups are really tough.


What do you mean by wondering why? Do you mean why she broke-up with you? What happened in that year?

I guess why I am struggling to much to move on past this relationship when I look back and realize it was only good and healthy for about 2 weeks.  I guess the part that has messed with me is not thinking people can lie to your face about anything. She told me in december that her dad died and he was abusive to her and that's why she was being so distant.  I just read 2 weeks ago in the paper her dad died.  8 months later than she told me.  If someone can lie to u over that.  They would lie to your face about anything ... .oh and 2weeks after we broke up. She was getting married to a new guy if I didn't take her back.   Meanwhile she's a successful woman who makes a great living.  I think she was married the whole time and in an open relationship... .it was a crazy year

Hi GJKOPRIV,

Welcome to bpdfamily! I can relate to the shock and difficulty processing the break-up when there's been such a level of dishonesty. I think you'll find many others here who understand as well. When these kinds of relationships fall apart, often we're left thinking over many moments and events and words that suddenly appear in a completely different light, because we suddenly feel that we're seeing a whole different side of the person we were involved with.

It sounds like, in your case, you feel your ex was leading a double life. Is that right? I can imagine that's incredibly painful and hard to make sense of. When my relationship with my ex fell apart, I realised that my ex had, among other things, been looking for my replacement for months. Not quite the same as discovering she was married the whole, I know. So I can only imagine how you feel. It's not easy.

What I can tell you is that it does get better and you will start to see things more clearly as time passes. But it does take time, and you might experience very difficult emotions along the way. Keep reading and posting here. Do you also have friends and family who can give you a support system? Are you still in contact with your ex?

I think you'll find that sharing your story hear and receiving and giving feedback can be a tremendous help in recovering from, and learning from, this experience.

I am not in touch with her.  It's been over 2 months since I have spoken with her.  When she supposedly moved in with a guy and was marrying him. And she told me she was marrying this other guy cause I wouldn't let her move in.  Little did she know.  Filing for a marriage license is public information in my state and county. And she never did it. I want to contact her to tell her that I know that her dad dying in December was a lie but I've held off ... .I know it's not worth it.  And I'll just keep that in my memory bank if she ever tries contacting me ... .reading it helps me see I'm not that only one that runs into these troubled people. I just feel she was in an open relationship with her husband. but I don't know why she started using words like love and bringing her kids around me.  I don't know why her husband would even let her do that.  But they may not even be his kids.  She told me she was pregnant with my child also.  I want to write a movie.  She would brag at the end about all these professional athletes wanting her. And although she was very attractive. She was 44.  I guess I fell for a compulsive liar cause she sucked me in early on being everything I wanted.  Thanks for the words.