BPDFamily.com

Hello! I am in need of some advice with my 17yo BPDD who is currently in RTF. This is her 2nd stay at RTF and my insurance company is looking for a discharge plan already and I know what that means they will probably discharge her within the next two months.  She recently cut herself with zip ties and the staff found a shank in her room (end of a broken paintbrush sharpened to a point), but if she is not responding to the treatment (which she isn't) my insurance will discharge her.

Backstory: My D has hospitalized 5 times & RTF twice. This started when she was 13 with self harm (cutting).  I won't go into all the horrible details of living with a child with BPD as I'm sure we all know what it's like. She has physically & emotionally abused my 10 year old son since he could walk & talk.  This started because according to her she is jealous of him. Since she figured out that she will go to jail if she places a hand on him she has gotten good at verbal abuse towards him. She's smart she comes right to that line but never crosses it. My DH & I made a referral to CPS against her for abusing my son but that has been closed citing no abuse but the case worker only talked to us and not my children.  My son is so afraid of her that he has an anxiety disorder.  MY DH & I area so afraid of her violence & rage we put key locks on all doors in our house except for hers.  When she was home we had to lock ourselves & our two sons in the rooms at night for fear she would harm us.

The older she gets the more violent she becomes.  Both of her therapists agree that in the best interest of our sons she not be allowed to come back home.  We agree with that too.  My problem is where does she go? I really don't care if she is homeless but the law does.  My husband is in the military and I'm pretty sure this could hurt his career if we can't find a place to send her.  We also can't afford wilderness programs or therapeutic boarding schools as we have looked into those options. Is there a way to turn her over to the state? We are in CA.

I need help so bad! I can't sacrifice my two boys safety any longer and I won't allow her to abuse our family anymore.  I really can't wait until she is 18!

Hello taytaymom and welcome to BPD family parenting board, we are glad you found us though very sorry for what brings you here and what you are dealing with, many here relate to your situation, you are not alone 

I'm in the UK therefore not conversant with US/CA CPS, when did you meet them - sounds strange to me they did not interview the children. Let's see what advice/experience members, staff have of the option of turning over to the state a 17yr old - your question to the forum and also if the legal adult age is 18yrs what are her future care options as an adult.

I'm sorry to hear all the support you and your H have provided, RTC and all the treatment so far has been a challenge for your daughter to take on and I personally wonder (as in my case DD is 28yrs) it takes some time to see how they mature as adults and whether they can take on their responsibility to reflect and acknowledge they are ill and why, and if that they can accept that show determination to work towards being well with support. I know I'm talking about what may probably appear to you the opposite situation you are and have been in - so far.

Yes, protect your boys, let's see what advice comes forth. You've done your best, as all parents here do.

Hope
WDx

*hi*
HEY taytaymom:   
I'd like to join WendyDarling in welcoming you. I'm so sorry about the situation with your daughter.  It must be very painful for you, but it is understandable that you need to look out for the welfare of your other children.

Below are a few links to information specific to California.  Looks like California has a recent law whereby parents (who aren't at fault), can turn over an out-of-control child to the state. Your daughter could technically pursue emancipation, but it doesn't sound like she is capable of initiating that.  I think with emancipation, the child has to provide information on how they will care for their self. That doesn't seem possible in her situation.

The two links below relate to a California law about out-of-control children and removing them when the parent's aren't the blane:

www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=wic&group=00001-01000&file=601-608

www.scpr.org/news/2015/04/02/50744/california-court-issues-ruling-about-out-of-contro/

You can download a guide for "Kids and the Law" at the link below:
www.calbar.ca.gov/Public/Pamphlets/KidstheLaw.aspx

Thank you so much for the support & the links. I'll definitely be looking into them. It's so nice to have people for support who understand exactly what me & my family are going through.

Hi Taytaymom,  I am sorry to see you here under these circumstances.  Many of us can relate. My D16 is currently in RTC (9 mo program) and it isn't costing us any $$ we are in NJ and have worked with a Care Manager from our county for placement /services. I'm unfamiliar w/CA, but you may be able to get direction /advice from your local NAMI office. 

It is such a shame the current program isn't providing any benefit, the one thing I've learned is the kids have to be ready. Just because the insurance company is looking for a discharge plan doesn't necessarily mean they are getting ready to end services. They need to monitor progress; when a child isn't safe, then it is unacceptable to discharge.  The social workers who are telling you the safety of your other children is at risk should be able to provide some options,point you in the right direction.