BPDFamily.com

So just found out that my exBPDgf is engaged to my second replacement after only being together for just 3 weeks .

Long story short we have a 7 months old son  together we split up 4 months ago when I was replaced instantly with a lesbian she got engaged to her within 4 weeks but that relationship lasted exactly 2 months she tried recycling me in August I stayed in the house with her for 2/3 weeks but didn't engage in getting back together as I was wary about her past behaviour and good job I was .i knew something was wrong when she went cold on me again sure enough she started seeing the second replacement so I left . That was nearly 4 weeks ago since then she blocked me on FB got a new mobile number but has said she wouldn't talk to me and any contact has to go through my mum regards to our son . She's been angry at me ever since and said that id abandoned her and she never cheated on me but that was a lie . When I saw her last Friday to pick up my son she started crying saying it's not easy for her and she's lost her best friend (me ) I then found out she's engaged today I really don't know what to make of this ? Engaged after only 3 weeks and now she saying she turned completely gay she has always said she was bi sexual.
She's been engaged 5 times now to ex partners me included. But never goes through with it .
I really don't know what to do or say when I see her tomorrow to pick up my son do I wish her congratulations? Or not say anything ? I'm working on detaching for good this time . She's never deleted any pictures of me on FB in the past break ups but this time everything has been deleted. She finds it hard to talk to me or make any kind of eye contact I guess she's still angry at me for rejecting her 4 weeks ago ?

Any thoughts ?

Well, that's true, life is very difficult for borderlines.


You ever heard that saying that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior?  Based on what she's been up to recently, do we really think that relationship has a chance at lasting?  Of course it would be awesome if this was that special dynamic that allows her to settle down emotionally, especially for your son, but do you see that as likely?


The conventional wisdom is go gray rock, no emotion, all business, you're there to pick up your son and no other reason.  I notice you haven't posted on the Coparenting board SB4G; is that something you think you should start doing since that seems to be where your relationship with her is headed?

Fromheadtoheal
I can clearly see why your board advisor you always have kind but clear words as advise . Yes I am going to move over to co-parenting eventually but for a little while longer untill I can heal properly and move forward with my own personal issues . I'm still wondering how I should deal with this ? Should I day nothing tomorrow and keep it as you say keep it  strictly business? Or wish her the best ? I'm always polite wen I see her but she never is with me ?

Hey SB4G-


OK cool.  You can do both at the same time too, since you have both your detachment and parenting your son going on together.


How about you do what you always do, be polite, polite is good, and while you're at it, notice what emotions you're experiencing when you're with her, for however long or short that is.  The goals are to detach and to parent your son, so focus on those, focus on you and your son, and little interactions like that are a great way to see how your detachment is going, a great way to get immediate feedback.  And also, since the goal is to detach, try not to give her any indication that you are still experiencing strong emotions about her, that will indicate to her that an emotional attachment is still in place and she'll keep trying to maintain one, regardless of whatever else is going on for her.  Good luck and report back!

I feel for you, buddy. My exBPDgf got engaged to an abusive and unfaithul ex-bf 2 months after she discarded me. It's a horrible feeling. If you read through this message board, you'll find that it isn't uncommon unfortunately. I don't know if that helps you at all, but it made me feel a little less guilty about the dissolution of our relationship and accept that she is unwell. I guess I don't take it as personally anymore.

I echo what fromheeltoheal says. Be polite. She might not be, and you might want to retaliate in the moment, but I think you'll find that you'll be proud of yourself down the road if you don't stoop to her level. It's important that we don't lose who we are in these moments. We all have the capacity to be good to people who maybe don't deserve it sometimes. Hang in there.