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Title: releationship help Post by: SilenceHurts on September 28, 2016, 07:38:31 AM I am/was in a relationship with a woman that I feel is BPD and I am trying to fix our breakup. One day she got mad and left, no explanation just txt and told me not to txt or call it is over. I kept calling, txting and emailing. finally she emailed me telling me she felt like I was constantly making her feel "beneath me." I will admit it has not always been great because it has gone up and down for 2 years with the loving times then the times when she is angry. Finally after she emailed back we had a few emails back and forth, nothing productive. I send emails and she still ignores me for the most part. the last email asked why I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who never pleased me. of course I sent back an email telling her I did value her and that I wanted to be with her because I love her and she means a lot to me. This has gone on for about 2-2.5 months. It is hard because she has blocked me on the phone and txting. I was hurt when she left with no explanation after 2 years and being engaged. So I am not sure if I should send her an email telling her if she does not respond by a certain date that I will leave? I am not sure if I am suppose to keep up the emails praising her or what.
I have think of her everyday often but this is getting hard to handle. I can handle some of this but not even responding or just ignoring me even after I accept responsibility for the actions that are minor in most cases but huge to her. What I mean is there are times when she wants things to be a certain way one day and just the opposite another day. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I do everything for her and when she does the smallest thing you would think she gave me the royal crown. HELP! Title: Re: releationship help Post by: Mutt on September 28, 2016, 09:41:41 AM Hi SilenceHurts,
*welcome* Excerpt So I am not sure if I should send her an email telling her if she does not respond by a certain date that I will leave? I don't think than an ultimatum will have a positive effect that you're seeking. How many emails are you sending? What's the frequency? Are you sending several a day, are they spaced out? Excerpt Finally after she emailed back we had a few emails back and forth, nothing productive. Are you having disagreements? Title: Re: releationship help Post by: Meili on September 28, 2016, 10:50:58 AM I want to join Mutt in welcoming you to the board.
I also agree that giving her a deadline probably won't result in the effect that you desire. That being said, is it possible for you to give yourself a deadline and that if she hasn't responded by then that you make your choice? I'm also not sure that continued adoration is the best plan. You may be appearing weak, clingy, and needy to her. This may be setting off emotional reactions within her that are working against you right now. It may very well feel pressuring to her. The best thing that you can do to give you and your relationship the best chance of success is to take a step back and breath. Focus on yourself for the time being. |