BPDFamily.com

#1 is working through my feelings and desires about the letter.  My motivations for staying engaged.  What is a healthy move?

My wife is starting to nibble away at "the sleep thing" again.  But doing so in the morning.  We used to linger in bed or I would get up and return quickly for a snuggle.  Been doing this for months. 

Monday at 6 am the lights came on the room with no warning.  Bemused... I asked what was going on "I'm getting ready for work... like I do every morning... ."

Once I got woken up I stopped engaging on this issue and went for a walk to calm. 

Was not as bad yesterday and today. 

Anyway... .I need to talk through my boundaries and responses on that. 

Appointment is this afternoon... .I have some time to think this through.

FF

Could this be due to the shortening days? I'm up at 6 too, and it's pretty much pitch black at this time of year.

 
I think "control of sleep" is coming back up as a power struggle issue.

Sunday night I come into the living room and D11 is awake with FFwife 45 minutes after her bedtime.

D11 has been sick and went to a sleepover on Saturday night (camping thing).  She had been destroyed tired all day Sunday and so my wife and I talked about making sure she got to bed early.

I was curious... but not mad... .to see her awake with my wife.  I asked what they were doing and my wife said "I thought it was a good idea to let her stay up and watch a show with me and I'll send her to be after that"  (daughter is barely awake next to her mommy... .eye's droopy)

I asked to speak to my wife in private.  She came in with surprisingly little attitude.  I expressed my concern and asked if there was a reason that D11 needed to stay up, instead of sleep.  Was there a priority I was missing.

My wife walked out without talking and sent daughter to bed.  Next more she got up at 6am and turned light on... .got everyone (including 3 year old) up and acted like it had been happening all year.

Was trying to mock me saying "you always get up at 6". 

Normally we snuggle and I may get up and return to bed at around 620.  After verifying our oldest is going to the bus (he handles himself).  Wife gets up and moves between 640 and 7am.  I make sure that all others are moving and awake by 7 or a few minutes before.  My wife handles getting hair done with little girls shortly after that.

Basically... she took the eraser to the life we have had since school started... and erased.  Unilaterally.

I got the following text from her today


FF wife: FF I apologize for turning on the lights at 6:40 this morning... .I got up at 6:15 and quietly went upstairs in my pajamas and got kids up and dressed and ready to give you more time to sleep before I had to turn the light on. It is difficult to find my things in the dark but I will do my best. Love you. 7:40 AM

Note... she actually sent this at 840 (something messed up with my time stamps)... either when she got to work... .or was driving.


Really tired of this... .not looking forward to this being back in my life again.

FF

Would offering a lighting alternative help? Perhaps a small corner or table lamp that she could use?

We've been down that road before.  She has a small flashlight... .multiple small lamps.

Her habit is that she dresses in the walk in closet.  Closes the door and turns light on in there.  Of course... .that assumes she wants to be kind and respect me or others that may still be sleeping.

99.9% sure she decided she is going to be pissed off about having to go to work... .and that if she was going to get up... everyone else would too.

BPDish punishment... .pure and simple.

This was one of the topics discussed during P today.  Best response is to ignore the past... help "solve" what time she claims to need to be up in the morning... .and see if that can be worked around.

FF