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Title: 15 months NC ..And I saw his face today Post by: Butterflies free on October 10, 2016, 08:55:04 PM Hello Friends,
I live in the same town with my exBPDbf and for the last 15 months I have purposely avoided him. Local stores I know he would go to, I would avoid. to, I would drive a little further if I needed to, to assure I would not see his face... . Until today... .I went to pick up a prescription for my Mom, and as I am driving out, he is driving in... .I saw him ... .not sure if he saw me... .however, knowing the truth of his illness doesn't prevent the nervous nausea, adrenaline shake of hands and feeling of bursting into tears. Can anyone explain this phenomenon? I have no love for him; I truly never want to see his face and yet, I wanted to puke cause I was a nervous wreck But, I don't know why... .I've never been like that before... . Living well is the best revenge... .and although physically, I felt those symptoms above while driving... .I didn't cry, I calmed myself down, I thanked God for my strength and my health and carried on... . Title: Re: 15 months NC ..And I saw his face today Post by: JerryRG on October 10, 2016, 09:22:27 PM Hi Butterflies free
I certainly still get these feelings, I remember getting texts from my exgf and I would literaly shake, how and why did I give someone so sick that much power? The only explanation is reliving my foo issues. I usually feel anger toward her now then move back to indifference or pity. I live in a small community as well, I am fortunate that my exgf is a waif, paranoid and likes hiding in shadows. This whole town know her, if I bring her name up and if people know her it is never a favourable responce. Hang in there, you are not alone Title: Re: 15 months NC ..And I saw his face today Post by: Butterflies free on October 10, 2016, 09:26:05 PM Thank you Jerry!
I was so taken aback by the physical reaction it actually startled me. I am honest and true to myself and I truly don't love him anymore, but yet, I felt like a 15 yr old and it unnerved me Title: Re: 15 months NC ..And I saw his face today Post by: Larmoyant on October 10, 2016, 09:40:20 PM Hi butterflies free, I can relate too. Sounds like ptsd like symptoms and it was all unexpected. I used to shake, feel nauseous and my heart would race at the sound of a text from him. Haven't had a text from him for a few weeks so not sure if that's still the case, but I'm pretty sure it would be. Dread to think how I'd feel if I saw him. Its a trigger for sure. Triggering all the memories laid down in our brain and any associated foo issues as Jerry says.
Well done on surviving it and re-gaining your balance. Keep strong |