BPDFamily.com

If u happen to have followed my post, my ex emailed me saying he was happy to hear from me... and that he thinks he has has finally met the Perfect woman for him. Said he had no bitterness toward me, ( after I wrote him the riot act last July, telling him I knew who was, his modus operandi and wanted no part of his borderline B.S. ever again. )

It sounded so foreign coming from him, like he wasn't even himself... ( never said things like that b4 abt any woman) ... and said I didn't have to ever worry, about him being bitter... ( who asked that? I didn't) that he "lived well and loved all." ... ? Oh brother! What a farse! Puke!  Who did he think he was kidding? WTH? there is obviously something possessing this dude. It's like he was saying... " all is well with me know... I'm complete! I found her! " After dating him... some months, I had noticed the derogatory comments made in general abt women...
it was creepy to hear such a thing coming from him. Just wasn't his standard of elevating any woman.
He knows I'm done with him... so why all fake niceness?
 
He meant it to be an underhanded punch in the gut to hurt me. But funny thing...
It just helps me see even more what a creep he is!

Honestly, he probably does feel like he's met the perfect woman.  He is idealizing her.  She is probably idealizing him.  It makes him feel like he's found the person who will rescue him from his troubles. 

My BPD friend started dating a guy back in March.  A few weeks later, trouble was already brewing.  They patched it up, but a few weeks after that, they broke up.  Two weeks later, they were back together again.  A month later, he was "the one."  A month after that, she was telling me she planned on marrying him.  What she failed to ever tell me is that he has a history of heroin addiction and has been screwing up his life for years.  A few weeks after the conversation about her marrying him, he was back in rehab, and within days of getting out of rehab, he was using again, and she kicked him out and broke up with him for good.   So, even though this guy was supposedly perfect and was "the one," there were a bunch of issues that she tried to hide from everyone. 

pwBPD are very skilled at many nons think that they are suddenly better.  My friend's mok was convinced a few months ago that her daughter was getting better and maturing, etc.  I tried to tell her she wasn't, but she wouldn't believe me.  Eventually, the mask wore off, and now her mom sees that she is the same as she's always been.

I wouldn't worry about it.  He contacted you because he thinks you care deeply about him and of course you would be happy to know how happy he is... .! That, and no one else will listen to him.   
  So just be glad you aren't his "Miss Perfect,"  but instead are a living, breathing human being.
And move forwrd unhindered!  Better still, run while he is looking the other way.  Because competition is relationship insurance and when she fails to be perfect, he may well come knocking at your door to tell you how terrible it was, and how he was a fool and how you are actually more perfect than her and he knows that now.  Well, actually, you are almost perfect, and could be if... .
  May I suggest no contact, change your phone number, possibly move, sell your car and buy a new one, change your workplace... .(just kidding about some of those later ones.)
Good luck, and CONGRATULATIONS!

  Laurielynn

Don't worry, she's not the perfect woman. He is idealizing her right now. As soon as she fails with anything (in his eyes of course) he will start the devaluation because they are never truly satisfied. We all were idealized once remember? It was only after we got too close, cared too much and treated them too well when they would become horrible to us. She will learn that too.

Read my original post if you like as at the beginning of this year I was going through the same. My ex met the woman of his dreams... and have a guess what happened next... .they are not together anymore.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292715.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292715.0)

So so true! My ex did exactly that. EVERY TIME he would have an argument with my replacement he would contact me saying how he was a fool and how much he regretted losing me and all that crap.

Be prepared to have the same coming from your ex sooner or later and please remember: don't believe him, ever.

Hi Laurie

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I can understand why it feels like a punch in the guts

But when you're interacting with someone who is disordered this kind of stuff happens.

I've never met a perfect man or women. I don't believe they exist. Do you?

What is pretty certain is that intense idealisation by either party leads in unhealthy directions.

It's perfectly natural to wonder about his motives for doing this.

Perhaps reading him the the riot act left a deep mark and he's trying to claw back some self esteem. Or perhaps he still feels regret for the loss if his relationship with you. Whatever he says by contacting you it sounds like he's struggling to detach and move on.

Clearly he's seeking some kind of reaction. What do you think he's hoping for? Re-engagment of some sort?

What really important here is what you want not him.

No response means no pay off for him and growing detachment for you.

I'd be inclined to let him be and wave him on his merry way. If he persists block his emails, texts etc

Good luck

Reforming

Hi Laurielynn,
Good for you for seeing beyond the mind games. I know its not easy because alot of what they do is to keep us thinking about them.  It does help when you know what you're dealing with. They give us more proof that were better off with all the madness they create.

I agree with the other posters. He might be thinking about you as an insurance policy should. ... actually it's when he devalues her. They always need others ready to step in or be with as being alone and having to deal with reality is unbearable to them.