BPDFamily.com

Shame, Feeling free within Indifference, Blocked Memory.



1. Something I realized about my ex was that she could not hold on to memories. Good or bad really but exsp bad. I believe whatever her first trauma was it was so painful she from that moment on ( I imagine these things happen young) never wanted to remember a bad memory again because of how painful it was. There for her brain literally became wired to block out emotional pain the rest of her life. (Black/White)


2. Shame. I believe on some level they know they hurt us. And they don't like to see us because it reminds them ( like i said above ^ 1) the pain. Which goes back to wanting to AVIOD the pain. Hence, not open to friendship, smearing campaigns, easier to pretend we never existed.


3. Indifference. When you think about it. The most regulated a BPD ever feels is when they feel nothing at all. Indifference. My ex was the nicest when she didn't care about things. I don't mean in a negative way, I mean our relationship was best when she could take me or leave me. As a relationship continues and intimacy grows, you become closer and dependencies happen and attachment forms. I believe in any relationship where this starts to happen BPD's can no longer hang on to that indiffence and trigger central happens than as you know all rolls down the hill.



These are my two cents. The more I think about this the more it helps me find closure. Yes, it makes me still sad that nothing could fix this really. And if they made a magic potion for a million dollars to cure it I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

But I see it's almost not personal. She is just unfixable.

When you say "true" BPD, do you mean a pwBPD without strong narcissistic traits?
Mine expresses some narcissistic traits.

Plenty of people have experienced recycles on this board. relationship dynamics played out similarly but still differently for everyone and their exes.

I agree with some of your points though:


She forgot the good as easily as the bad. Once triggered, I think they can start to automatically surpress/block things out. But when loneliness hits I think they are able to relook at some pleasant memories that they miss.


We also remind them of pain because we want them to be accountable. We want the relationship to grow. If they are not ready for that, dealing with us isn't worth the pain involved. Then yes, there is the pain on top of that which they create for themselves and unresolved childhood wounds. As said above, despite being the source of great pain, we are also the source of good memories and happiness. This is where they may decide to recycle us.


They are afraid of true intimacy and true emotional risk from healthy attachment and being vulnerable. I agree. Before I triggered her badly, everything was mostly fine so unsure if that meant she could take me or leave me. She was madly inlove after all. I was the 'perfect' person she thought she could lean on who would never bring her or remind her of the pain she did everything to avoid. I made her feel 'safe'.

Yep you cannot fix her. Healthy people I don't think even want to/need fix other people.

During the relationship, my exBPDgf  told me that once she breaks up with someone she goes cold turkey and never comes back. Believing that she has never come back to anyone and came back to me made me feel special/worth coming back to. She was having a good time with me that whole week (Didn't mention the past and everything positive and fun in the moment). However in pain she was for what she did she told me that I was just too addictive to her and eventually broke up for good. She wrote some poetic thing online feeling as if being with me is just going to 'destroy' her in the end. She also said she felt 'guilty' without explaining why. We both made huge mistakes to hurt one another, so I could only guess where that guilt comes frm but when I did things painful for her that truly changed things (I was never the source of pain before). I was always painted white and I may still be as she doesn't seem to be hating me. All I know is she is afraid of feeling and sick and tired of her strong emotions when she is with me and blames them on me. She essentially stopped her own rollercoaster ride.

On her twitter before getting back together with me she wrote something on the lines of"
"less-drama filled life but lonely or love but instability? Yay or nay?"

I don't know if this is permanent as she said she may reconsider me in future. Last time she looked cold/numb/indifferent of feelings for me. She discourages me because blocking me out is making her feel better. She gave up just like that. She told me to move on.

double posted. delete.