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Title: First post Post by: quickestgirl on October 17, 2016, 10:28:40 PM I've been through hell with my husband. I always knew something was wrong with him but I was in denial because I loved him. I thought he was an alcoholic for a very long time. Still not convinced he isn't. I have supported him through counseling, 12 step groups, rehab etc. He never felt the alcoholic label fit. Now he is begining therapy for BPD. We have two amazing daughters age 10 and 3. I'm so scared about how his behaviors and my reaction to them will affect them.
Throughout our relationship he has lied so much, manipulated me, drank and lied about it, verbally and emotionally abused me, ruined my friendships... . I want to support this new therapy and diagnosis but I'm sucked dry. I have to take care of my children first but he's like one giant, incessantly needy child. I feel so isolated and alone because we've moved to a new city where I haven't told anyone about his problems because I'm so tired of him ruining my friendships and embarrassing me in front of the community I do create for the kids and I. I do love him and see the man he is inside but I have so much anger, resentment, and pain from all the years of this I can't even see straight. I don't know what else to say. Title: Re: First post Post by: livednlearned on October 19, 2016, 12:18:54 PM Hey there
Welcome and hello :) You could be writing my story. My son's father was also an alcoholic, and I spent years trying to figure out what his deal was. I think the issue for people with BPD is that they are way more susceptible to the impairment caused by alcohol. So they may not be classified as alcoholic, but they are more quickly impaired. My son's father would be halfway through a glass of wine and his insecure self would show up and like you say, be verbally and emotionally abusive, be manipulative, be incessantly needy. It may not feel like it, but in a way you are taking some important first steps to taking care of yourself. That first step leads to a second, and a third. You will get stronger if you keep following your intuition. I know it's hard, and it's lonely and exhausting. I think there is a crest on the hill where you can see things clearly, you have built up strength and understand the disorder and what it does to the person you love, and to your family. We are here to walk next to you. You're not alone. What kind of therapy is he doing? Does he accept the BPD diagnosis? How are the girls doing, especially the oldest? Keep posting. It really does help. LnL |