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It's been 2.5 months post break-up. 2.5 weeks NC.

Recently realized she deleted me off her netflix and added the new guy as "baby". Not sure she wants to let me see it on purpose. Still feel bad about it.

Anyhow, I wake up EVERY morning getting anxiety/panic attacks on how much I miss her. I do not know how to stop it. I try to focus at work and taking as much shifts as I can. I find myself ruminating while working, while trying not to kill any patients. Going to work is better than staying at home though, as I am forced to interact with more people. It's just staying home part sucks, realize how lonely I am and start thinking about her.

I try to be as logical as I can sometimes, but emotions always catches up sooner or later, especially in the morning. I am trying really hard to function. Sometimes I wish she could realize she made a mistake and come back to me so I can tell her "no" to obtain some dignity back. This is the second time she left me for someone else. Sometimes I wonder if I held my boundaries too harshly, that's why she left. I can't date because I would get flashbacks of dating and then get anxiety.

Well now GIStock
Let's focus on at least one positive here, you have clearly succeeded at not killing any patients, always a good thing methinks.  :)
For me too, mine was the first thing I thought about when I woke and the last thing before I slept and even then he infiltrated my dreams. Awful, every waking and sleeping moment. It's good that you are able to work even if it is a struggle. I gave up my job unfortunately. The only things that really helped me get through this constant ruminating was for every loving memory I made myself balance it with a bad memory. It's horrid and hard, I re read nasty emails and texts and my journal and cried a lot because I didn't want to remember the hurt, however I did need to balance this pain with the pain I went through when I was with him. I also came here constantly. Be strong, you will get through it.
Lots of love from Sadly xx

For what it's worth, I had the same problem and would still have it if not for a combination of Lexapro and Trazadone that mitigates the anxiety and knocks me out sufficiently at night to get through until morning.  I also gave up my home office and endure an obnoxious morning commute to work downtown.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this and would recommend trying anything you can think of, including medication, to assist.  Dreading going to sleep at night because you know a morning anxiety attack awaits you is a terrible feeling indeed.

GIStock,

I could have written both your post and the one by JS2016 almost word for word.  For me, a combo of Lexapro and Ambien has been very helpful, but don't expect immediate results from an SSRI.  Lexapro helps with ruminating and it's often prescribed for OCD for that very reason.  Take care of yourself here by focusing on you and getting some quality sleep, too.  It will take time... .be patient with yourself.  I know it's hard, many of us have been there.  Since the Lexapro really kicked in for me at about the 7-8 week mark... .my outlook has changed significantly.  I'm miles ahead of where I was a month ago.  NC (LC for me due to divorce) is crucial for perspective.  It's my recommendation to keep it going if at possible.

I'm not sure how long your r/s was, but I echo Sadly's sentiments on making notes of her bad behavior to read when you're feeling weak.  It helped me in those moments.  If your boundaries include a monogamous relationship and she leaves you for someone else... .that's not harsh.  That's her not meeting your expectations of a r/s, leaving you with a decision to make.  Nothing wrong with that.  Keep posting & reading.

bi