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I have suspensions that my exBPDbf is with one of his ex wifes. The ones he got rid of bc they cheated on him and he was tired of them using him. That was his story.  I finally stop wanting to hear from him and now he is contacting me. I know when it is coming to. He reaches out to me every other Saturday afternoon.  Texting off and on then just stops. I can't  see what else him and I have to talk about so I keep it vague like he use to do me. Only to me is not a game. Is truly how I feel about us communicating.  I have no more words.  I forgive him but I don't. It's like he not somebody I feel I want to have dealings with. If I never hear from him again I wouldn't wonder what ever happened to him. Anyway, I think he went backwards bc he is from Philadelphia and so is his ex and a friend that lives near him  sees the same blue PA car parked there every other week but not the week he contacts me. The following week my exs car is gone. They visit each other every other weekend i guess.  I'm not mad. I don't feel mad. I can't believe i don't feel nothing. I think it might be bc I'm pairing and comparing the person that I met with the person he has shown me he is now.  As oppose to the person he acted like when we was together. It makes perfect sense. It's not funny, weird (in a sense) or shocking anymore. My time wasted is the only thing im trying to recover now.  I don't know what blessings came over me these past few weeks but for all I care he can keep on keeping on. I just have to learn to ignore. When I learn that then I'm cured.

But it's funny when I saw the msg all I could think was there he go getting ready to start fooling that one too or that one again. I know he don't love me, care for me or want to be with me anymore. He probably hates me. Idc anymore. But he contacts me bc in his mind I still do. Even if I start ignoring I know how his mind works. He think no matter what he do people still want to be with him. Let him think so. It keeps him away longer. hehehehe
Btw, I do not think its an attempt to recycle. I now know him very well and he knows that. He just wants to play and in his mind bc I made the mistake of letting him in my life, I volunteered to be one of his toys... .until I decide differently.  Thanks for reading.

Hi Done4!
Sounds like you've reached a turning point in all this. Is that fair to say?


Then you're in the right place. You'll find many stories here of people detaching from painful relationships who understand what you're going through. The focus now is on detaching from your ex.


Why do you choose to respond to his messages at all at this point? Do you hope for any change from him?


The only way to recover lost time is to learn from the experience and to carry that knowledge forward with us. Do you feel you've learned anything about yourself through this relationship?


What do you think is still stopping you from ignoring his messages?


Are you ready to make that decision? Does it make you anxious or fearful? Do you feel you would be able to ignore the next message you receive from him?

Just like his dysfunctional upbringing makes him do what he does. My upbringing makes me do the things I do.  Before I met him I never had to ignore anybody especially an ex.

A change in him would not affect me either way.  We learn from all experiences good or bad. I can't think of nothing at this time I could have learn. do you mean the read flags?
Idk if I want to ignore his messages or not. The messagess mean nothing to me.  They don't offend me nor bring me joy no more. 

Great insight! We are all the product of our upbringing. The good news is, once we recognise that, we do have some power to change, and to change in accordance with the life aims, goals, values that appeal to us.


I mean that the way to "recover" (or make good use of) the time spent in this relationship is to learn from it in a way that allows you to develop more fulfilling relationships going forward. So, yes, that would include red flags. Are there any that come to mind? Things that came up in the relationship that might have indicated things were headed in an unhealthy direction?


Are you sure they mean nothing to you? You also wrote:

I might have misunderstood your words before. You say you'll be "cured" when you "learn to ignore." What is it you hope to be cured from? And what do you want to learn to ignore?

Sorry for the delay. I try to stay off here sometimes.
Well according to what they say about pwBPD, our r/s was based on toxicity from the door, therefore always headed in an unhealthy direction. I might have know it and at the time dismiss some things because i didn't want to think to much. Who said I needed a lesson in that and from him. We are all delusional when we want to be. It Don't mean we need to hit bottom to wake up. It don't even meant it will wake us up. It don't mean we need or want to be awaken.  It could however mean we want to do what we want, when we want to and it feels good without worrying about a god impersonator judging us.
I mean no expectations like when it first happened, I use to think things   That he was sorry or missing me, or thinking about me, and things like that.
Sometimes I still wonder about him. When I stop wondering it will mean I'm really over it all. Ignore? I get calls , text, email, and things I ignore for days. Even if I don't have the expectations I did before, I look to see what he is saying today. When I start to treat him like I do everyone else then I know I'm pass all of this.