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Hello all

Have been feeling very sad and down this week. I think what's happening is that I am finally beginning to grieve my loss. Nothing else has changed, still NC and glad to be so. Can still think ahead and am planning my life. It's not the same sort of sadness that I had before, usually mixed with hope and fear and despair, it's just a very deep sadness that comes with the knowledge that it really is finally over. I'm glad the confusion and misery is over but my one time plans and dreams and the very real love I had for ****** are too. I likened it the other day in answer to someone's post to lose him was like hearing every goodbye that was ever said to me, all at once.
And that finding me again was like the feeling you get seeing a babies first smile. So very very sad, the difference being knowing this will pass whereas before I didn't think I would ever get through it.
Lots of love from Sadly. Xx

Hi Sadly 

I'm glad to see that you can still think ahead and plan your life. I do think that the variety of sadness that you are speaking of when it comes to detachment can change. For me, thoughts of my ex could make me feel dejected, to sad, to mild melancholy. I agree that it's a good thing the confusion and misery are over. I encourage you to keep looking for these good things.  :) If you're ready for a shortcut to not allow sad thoughts to stop whatever it is you're doing, you can think of times when your ex was really demanding of your time, and allow yourself to experience the absence of that. I hope that helps!

Healing/detaching is not a linear process.  It is OK to feel sad, you lost something that was very important to you.  While you may have turned a corner there is still a lot of healing to do.  I was feeling that deep sadness yesterday, it comes and goes, but it happens less and less as time goes by.  

One day you will walk out of the woods for good and you will have done it on your own.  You can hold your head high and tell yourself ... .I did this ... .I had the strength and belief in myself to persevere one of the most difficult times in my life.    

Hi GB
Thank you. I did used to do that, read all his crappy emails and texts and stuff, it helped me finally move on. I don't need to do that now, they don't hurt me anymore. It's hard to explain this sadness but it's not the same as it was before I accepted finally him/me the whole thing. I am well ready to move on in my life and thankful this has all come to an end especially in my head as well as my heart. Am just having a sad few days I guess. Not to worry, I know my futures brighter, I was just wondering if this was normal   X

Thanks C Stein, you got it. Am sorry you have those sad days too, but glad to hear it's not just me. To be honest I am very proud of myself and not a little surprised, it does feel like a massive achievement.   x

Hi Sadly,

I can relate exactly to what you say as well.  It feels like the beginnings of acceptance.  Almost like you can see yourself from a different perspective for the first time.  I didn't think I be to this point this soon after a 25 year r/s but life feels like it's turning.  

 

bi

Thanks BI
it's a good feeling isn't it. I want to continue here too, for all the people who think like I did that they will never going to get to this point. 

I relate, for me it's as if there are knots that are being untied with each layer of detachment, and with each knot untied there is relief. Of stress, tension, anger, whatever was building up/being held onto. Sometimes I smile when I'm feeling this release, sometimes cry. Overall, the energy is changing for the better, and we're moving on.

Onwards and upwards to us all, sorry am p*ssed

I'm happy to hear this Sadly. I'd like to join you in a toast and hope to be where you are soon  |iiii

Thanks Lar
I now have a steaming headache :) but it was worth it. I have been avoiding too much alcohol as one glass used to set me off on maudlin reminiscing and tears. Last night it didn't, yay, another first. Today I am so busy having a hangover I have stopped being quite so sad. Not recommending this as a step to take mind you  :).
Lots of love Sadly   xx

Continuing down the road of detachment and to acceptance, good for you Sadly!  

Hi bestintentions and Sadly


I'd like to bring your attention to this. Sadly, reading your replies, I do think it's consistent with going through acceptance like what bestintentions described. I do understand that when you think of those things we wrote about, you don't feel hurt anymore. I relate in this. I think after some time, some of us do become "okay" when thinking of those unpleasant things. Okay in the way that were are "more okay" than before.

I think it's also seeing the other person with another perspective. At this point, when we recall the good things about our SOs, we feel sad that we lost that part of them along with the whole. A loss of the good things. I think when you see these things together, it's part of seeing them as a whole person, which I think can be part of acceptance. Perhaps we are no longer highly focused on the little parts that were very attractive, or very unattractive to us. I feel hope for you Sadly, I do think that this is a path to peace.

Have a peaceful weekend.