BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone

Received a letter from my lawyer yesterday, explaining his approach to help me gain full custody of my son. He wants to wait a while longer, since my son's mother has cut all contact and hasn't even inquired as to how he's doing. It's been over 3 weeks with no phone, she's deliberately hiding from our son.

I hope it goes well, I believe I have the support of her entire family. They are all extremly upset with her choice to walk away. Nothing new for my exgf, she's burned them all before, many times. Now she's burning our son.

Her loss, one day she will be all alone, physically, not just emotionally

If you think she will be "missing" for a few months that would probably be a good thing in court. Make sure you are documenting it. If you just have a cell phone make sure you have each month showing no calls from his mom. A weekly journal saying there was no contact. It can be brief but show that mom is not there in any way.
I remember how confused/angry/upset I was in the beginning. I couldn't make sense of any of it. I found a therapist for myself. I found this site. Eventually I began to accept things as they were and are. It's a process and takes time. Stay focused on what is best for your son and you. Our boys were 4.5 and 8 when ex ran away. They are 18 and 13 now. It went fast although it seemed like a long time in the beginning.

Thanks David

I've been poor at documentation but it's never too late. Glad all is well with you.

How long did your ex stay away? If it's too personal I understand. Still not sure why my son's mother just left him. Very strange to me.

My story is different. My ex ran away with our two boys. I had no idea where she was for two weeks. She then filed a petition with the courts to have me evicted from our house. I had SS's, her boys from her first marriage. They testified that I would be the better parent so the judge refused to evict me from the house. I was also awarded temp custody of our boys because of the SS,s testimony. However, when we went to trial the judge changed his mind because as we all know, "mom's are better at raising small children than dad's are." Yes that was what the judge said out loud.

That was in 2007. I filed to modify custody in early 2009. Ex dragged it out until late 2011. By then I had overwhelming evidence that ex was not helping either boy with their school work. I was able to get a schedule for school that I thought was best. Their grades went up significantly since that time. Our summers are week on week off. Technically it is 50/50 now but ex offers me more time and I accept.

I'm glad your boys have you, can't imagine where they would be if not for you fighting to do the best for them in the face of resistance from your ex.

I can't help feel angry at your situation because I fear this fight won't end with my ex, it's so sad that we bought into the dream of a good life and brought children into the dynamic only to discover we are dealing with someone so mentally ill and who put up road blocks for no reason other than they can.

I asked someone one time, "why does she hurt me?"
The answer was "because she can"

Thank you david, it's comforting to know you have fought this and your son's are benefiting from your dedication and your actions and success inspire me to keep trying.

It does get easier. I had all kinds of serious concerns for our boys. Fortunately, I did enough right things to help them. I made lots of mistakes but the balance was in their favor.
Ex still sends me nasty emails accusing or attacking me. They are not as frequent and they don't upset me like the past.