BPDFamily.com

Hi.  My wife is living with my daughter (5) overseas in her home country.  After cancer, I relocated back to my home country with my son (9) to set up a new home base.  I suffered 12 years of traumatic abuse from my wife and in-laws previous to this, and decided to move the whole family to my home country so that I could at least network and provide enough self care to go on.  My wife said she had changed her mind about coming here two months back after we talked about her being abusive.  She has had an uncontrollable rage going on for many years, with me as the focus of it, but refuses to acknowledge the condition.  She continually refused to say what her long term goals for the family were after she decided not to come.  I had to work very hard and literally eliminate one possibility after the other, starting with the most unlikely, because she would not tell me what she wants.  It took about three months as I had to piece things together very carefully due her keeping me in the dark.  After a lengthy process of deductive reasoning the penny dropped that she was in the process of deliberately tricking me.  She exploded yesterday when it became apparent to both of us I had opened the plan up.   She wants me to return our son back to her country, she wants to live with her parents, deny me access to the children, "strongly opposes" I remain in that country and says I ought to "remain in contact" via Skype, although she has started to alienate my loving daughter against me so strongly she now dislikes Skype.  My wife hates festive seasons/birthdays and enjoys arguments, brought friends around to humiliate me and forced me to be a host, public shamed me in restaurants, gaslighted me, controled the environment, even banned me from having a sofa in our house, controlled my spending and got her friends to monitor me etc, etc. One Christmas, this excruciating treatment was extremely bad and the following spring I was diagnosed with cancer at 48 years old (successful operation followed).  She said she now wants a divorce, no doubt because she fears public exposure.  She says I will lose daily contact with the kids.  My son does not want this to happen! It makes me shiver to think about going back and what she can do to me if I go.

I am not going to go back over Christmas as she will take my son in a highly charged piece of theatre and damage the kids and I permanently.  I am sure we need an intermediary to discuss this with!  I will approach my doctor and my son's school but what else can people recommend? 

Please help with comments and advice.

Regards.

Hi  LovingZap:   
I'm so sorry about your situation.  The split between two countries is difficult.  You are probably right to not trust your wife, if you bring you son to her country. 

I think I read in one of your prior posts that you live in the UK, is that right?  Were the children born in the UK?

If you are in the UK, the information at the link below could be helpful relative to divorce and custody in the UK:
www.children-and-divorce.com/child-custody-uk.html

It might be a good idea to consult a lawyer and see what your options are.

Thanks so much Naughty Nibbler.  That's sound advice.  Nice to make your acquaintance and thanks for replying.