BPDFamily.com

Hi all I'll try to keep this to a minimum with the history of the relaitionship.

2 and half months ago I split from my Bpdgf due to catching her lying and cheating on me with the person she is still with now . We also share a 8 month old son . We had minimum contact for about 3 weeks after the split mostly about our son then she wanted NC and wanted to go through my mum regards to the agreement to see my son witch was ok for a couple of weeks then she decided to change that to NC completely and make things difficult for me to see my son she even went as far as to call the police and make false accusations of harrasing her ! So her mum kindly agreed to do the handovers of my son every weekend. I hadn't contacted her for at least 3 weeks in any way.

A couple weeks ago I received a freinds request on FB from a female that I didn't know it was a new account with only a few random ppl as freinds plus the name of this person spelt my exes name along with letters from the replacments surname .im 99% sure it was her i never except requests from ppl I don't know on FB so I sent a message saying " sorry do I know you ? " next thing I know the account was deactivated! . Anyone had similar games in the past?

What was she trying to achieve? And why do that if she insists on NC ?

Heres one perspective. Maybe things were going bad with the replacement so she wanted to see if you were dating.

Yer maybe I know things havnt been going that well with the replacement. She's also done a few drive byes aswell most recent one being Monday .ive not seen my ex gf for at least 5/6 weeks or spoken to her for over 5 weeks now .

I discovered a new account created by my exgf, it came up as someone I may know. Looked at her page and few pics, no info and no friends. She's spying on me or someone else.

PwBPD have limited or none existent bounderies and feel entitled so anything they chose to do is acceptable to them.

My exgf stalked me constantly yet accused me of stalking her

I know that's wot I don't get they stalk us then accuse us of doing to them . Just made me laugh that when I sent a message asking if I know this person the account got deactivated. Was she hoping I'd accepted it ? If I had then begs the question why does she want to veiw my FB anyway ?

Jerry wrote I discovered a new account created by my exgf, it came up as someone I may know. Looked at her page and few pics, no info and no friends.

My exgf stalked me constantly yet accused me of stalking her

------It came up as people you may know-----and this was a new acct, and before u even looked at it... .that means she must have been looking at your page from her "new acct"... .otherwise, how would facebook know to suggest her as someone you may know, right?
-----Since the ex accused you of stalking while she was doing it, is that because she was projecting onto you? Or because she wished you would be stalking her? Or another reason?

I have gotten these as well. Started around Dec of last year. 1st came the fake friends request. Hardly anyone on their FB page , had no mutual friends and the best part that they never caught in to was they had a pic of a guy with a guys name but when they changed their picture is said so and so changed "Her" profile pic. Her? I thought the page belonged to a guy? So yea she got caught there. I blocked this fake account. Then a few days later on New Year's Eve the fake FB messages started. Got like 2 to 3 of them. Stopped in Feb when I called my ex out on the last one. Now I get hang ups on either my house or my cel. Now it's usually just my home phone. They had died down for weeks until Oct 18 . This was the day my ex was supposed to come down and spend a few days with me but I was dumped before it ever happened. So she must have been triggered. Anyway I feel they do these things to keep tabs on us. It's almost like they don't want us to get on with our lives. But they can and they don't want us to. Like God forbid your not trying to get back with me etc etc. it's just basically to see what your doing? Or some say it's a way they can still feel like they have you in their lives. It's sick I know but so are they.

This is my take on it.

So you caught her cheating, so to avoid the shame that comes from that, she now can't face you and be honest with you about messing up. So she's gone over to the replacement.

And to regain a semblance of control, she went NC.

Now she is missing you and realising that this new life she has suddenly created isn't quite what she expected/wanted, so she wants to connect with you again (think attachment), but again, because she can't actually face you, as that would mean apologising, recognising she has done something damaging etc... .all she can do is internet stalk you.

The fake FB account allows her to check on you with anonymity and she can maybe get an idea if you miss her.

Then the friend request gives her a chance to connect better, and maybe be friends, even though you don't know its her.

Again it gives her the upper hand (in her eyes) as she will think she is in control of this friendship - she knows who you are, but she thinks that you don't know who she is.

Eventually she may reveal it's her and then try a recycle, and the recycle will give her an ego boost and put her back in control of you and the relationship. (she will think that if you take her back after her bad behaviour, then you must really really love her)

That's my take on it.

This is a pattern I've been through as well, not quite the same (I don't have a FB account I'm glad to say) but very similar and it all stems from their shame at having behaved badly and being caught and not being able to own up to the mistake and be honest about it, combined with a need to regain control of the situation.

In a weird way it's logical and of course completely irrational all at the same time.