BPDFamily.com

Hi All,
As I am working very hard on my codependency issues along with intermittent therapy, uBPDH was working hard by mindfully meditating coz he tried therapy and has discounted it. However things in general are a lot better between us. The dysregulations are there but the swings are really a lot less intense as I am also able to validate a bit early in the game.
One of my goals was to get back to work and start being independent especially now that our kid is a bit older. I landed a job very  easily at the workplace I had volunteered as they really liked me. Also my uBPDH holds an awesome job and is at it for a very long time so it's very high functioning BPD we're dealing with.
Rewind to 2 weeks ago, during my interviews, I had a really bad fall and was injured. Agreed I am a bit clumsy and have had a few falls in the last few years, even one arm repair surgery. So I was already a bit freakish coz I was giving interviews after 10 years and uBPDH started to dysregulate and I could sense the coldness. Then the fall happened so he had a very cold attitude and wasn't there by my side to boost my morale. So I quickly reached out to my friends and neighbors for the very little help I needed in terms of driving my D6 to school one day and kept myself busy and engaged. I also validated to H on the day we soent 3 hours at urgent care which frustrated H & D6. He was vedy quiet and I was slipping into passive aggressiveness but I stopped myself, paused and told him- I'm really sorry that we had such a long drawn and not fun evening when we didn't expect it in the least, thanks for driving me & hanging out there while they splinted my arm. So I could sense the dysregulation turning into regulated feelings and he gave me a hug and said I'm glad you're okay, I am very worried for you, please be careful. Then I told him I know you're worried and wish thet I didn't fall but life happens and unfortunately the fall also happened. So thst was done. We got to the bottom of his dysregulation and then moved on.
Now with my new job shaping up and logistics planning ablut he dropping D6 in the morning and me picking in the evening, he tends to get dysregulated when I start bringing up the topic. I think due to my anxiety, I like to have a firm plan and leave very little room for uncertainty and my job won't let me any flexibility at all but he feels pressured coz this is CHANGE.
Even though, I am keeping myself busy, I am feeling a knot in my tummy coz I am going to need to lean on him heavily and since we have communicating issues, will that affect our household negatively? Will I be able to pick up the family slack like I did all these years? I am ready to go out and work coz my identity felt threatened in this whole process of BPD. So I feel at a time when I should be feeling super excited for getting a job so easily, I am thinking more of uBPDH and how I'm going to fit that in! Maybe it's time for me to see my T? Friends- I need perspective and some uplifting coz I am not getting it from wherr I am suppose to. There is some drama going on from the FOO and I think thats also contributing to my anxiety.

That's a lot going on.

And it sounds like you are doing a LOT better. You are using the tools, and they are working.  |iiii


Some pwBPD would pretty actively try to undermine you getting a new job, and do it by throwing a monkey wrench into things... .like waiting 'till you are at work, then telling you he can't drop D6 off, making you leave work to manage it, and sabotaging your job.

I don't know your story well enough to know if your H is likely to pull that kind of thing or not.

If not, he's still likely to dysregulate just over the stress and change going on... .so expect something.


Warn some of these supporters that you may need a bit more help, perhaps on short notice. Have backup options ready.

Knowing that the dysregulation won't have wider consequences should ease your mind.

When your work schedule becomes the new normal, things should settle down.

It doesn't help that I am a codependent and love structure and planning... .excessive planning so as to not rock our family boat. Then I don't move on from there and start thinking of the worse case things that could go wrong. This is a life changing moment for me and I think I am getting anxious but I'm going to try to breathe into it and slowly welcome the new normal! Luckily I have a wonderful Therapist and I made that appointment today to see her to ease my nerves and got that much needed perspective so I'm taking the leap