BPDFamily.com

The last time DH and I took BPDm to court her L had a bunch of pretty invasive and unnecessary personal questions for me. I shrugged and answered and that was fine. But next time we go to court I will probably be bordering on noticeably pregnant. Are DH and I required to answer questions regarding my pregnancy? It would seem to me that my personal health should be my business. And the more BPDm knows the more she is likely to ramp up conflict at inopportune times.

(This is my very non-expert Perry Mason watching answer  :))

I would think the questions could be asked but your attorney should be able to object and/or ask what the relevancy is for the question to keep things from going into a fishing expedition and keeping things on task.  But I'm not sure there is a way to keep the questions from being asked.

My other advice... .plan your wardrobe that day maybe you can get in and out without the baby bump being noticed.

I agree--my experience with Law and Order would say the same.  Unless they can tell how it is relevant... .or, you could just not testify at all.

I'm only 5ft tall and I'll be about halfway through by the court date. We will probably have to tell her ourselves before the court date in order to not put the kids (they live with us full time) in the awkward position of either having to tell her or hide it from her. But she certainly doesn't need to know how far along I am or anything else. We are simply not going to give the kids any information until we have to as she grills them constantly.

I also may have to testify. But that will depend on if we get discovery back from her or not. I do like the idea of telling our L to object and ask about relevance. A couple of parts of the hearing are financial and if my pregnancy comes up I plan to point out that with a child of my own I am in less of a position to help support hers the way I have been (even though it's not my responsibility to do so anyway).

My attorney stopped all fishing expeditions that my ex's attorney tried. He objected to everything until ex's attorney figured out he wasn't going to stop. The judge actually cautioned ex's attorney after about 8 objections. I just sat on the witness stand and watched it all play out. Once that was completed I really didn't get many questions. It actually made things go quickly after that.

Form the responses I can see that a lot depends upon your attorney to speak up and object with "relevance" or some other appropriate description.  Be sure beforehand your lawyer knows to keep questions on track and within bounds.  The L can't stop all questions but can limit how many need to be answered.

I'm guessing you expect that if his Ex knew your anticipated delivery date she would try to heighten the conflict about then trying to spoil the joy and distract from the event.

Update: You were all correct! I spoke to our L and there is absolutely nothing about my pregnancy that is relevant to any part of the court action. The second it comes up she will object based on that.


What would make you say that?  lol
Yes, I do think she will disregulate over this. Although she is currently pregnant herself, I know she has grilled the kids for years about my intentions of having any children and they've known that was something I wasn't interested in and relayed that to her. I've never told the kids that anything has changed and their mom doesn't handle change unless she approves it first. She already tells the kids that I shouldn't have any kids because I'm too old. (I'm two years older than her.)

Plus we've found that any information she has becomes a weapon she uses in an argument. It would likely go something like: "So I can't have my summer visitation (that she is not even entitled to in court paperwork) when I want to just because that's when Nope is due? The kids don't need to be there for that because they told me that they don't care and they do have other siblings that live with me, you know. You're being selfish!"

It would be better if that could simply be avoided.

Our boys were 4.5 and 8 when ex ran away with them. She grilled them all the time about what I was doing.etc. As they got older they figured out what they could and could not say to their mom to avoid retribution. They are 13.5 and 18 now. They talk to me all the time about what their mom is doing. I listen and validate. They say nothing to her anymore.
One of my older SS's (her boy from her first marriage) and his wife packed up, bought a trailer, and started traveling across the US. That was two months ago and ex still doesn't know because no one told her. She has pushed the kids so much they stay away. It is sad but I have a good relationship with my dna kids and my SS's. They live in their own world