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Title: First day of no contact Post by: confusedbloke on November 03, 2016, 07:48:21 PM I've done it. This is the first official day that I've actually had no contact. It's been a long day but I'm ready now. It's over. Scary but I need to move on
Anyway. Sorry just needed to share that... .Night everyone Title: Re: First day of no contact Post by: thisagain on November 03, 2016, 09:26:15 PM Hey Bloke!
So you made it through your first day of NC. That's a real accomplishment! How are you feeling? It seemed like you and your ex had a long history of recycles or near-breakups and reconciliations. What feels different this time? Hang in there - we're here for you |iiii Title: Re: First day of no contact Post by: confusedbloke on November 04, 2016, 07:46:49 AM Hey thisagain
I feel ok. Keep thinking about her of course... .it's definitely different this time as I've just discovered the term "crazy making". And that's exactly what she did to me... .that and the fact that I'm aware of conversations I'm having with people and realising that what she talked about was absolute nonsense. ... and also my chronic tinnitus and perforated eardrum where she punched me and the bite marks etc. She's an unhealthy woman. Also my kids a have said I look a lot happier now... .I feel more relaxed and less tense. My only problem is that I feel sorry for her as I know she adores me so much but she can't regulate those feelings. It was like I gave her a life force and was nothing without me... .but in doing so she sucked my life force out of me... . I just don't want her to hurt anymore or me for that matter and the only way I can do this is by nc. She's absolutely crazy. Watched a thing in TV the other night about people talking about their mentally illnesses. It was very interesting and very much like her... .then I watched a film called my super exgirlfriend girlfriend. ... my God the woman in that is exactly like my ex... .it was supposed to be a funny film I guess but I didn't find it funny... .rather a horrible insight to what I've had to put up with... .uncanny resemblance and complete obsessive behaviour toward me... . I think I've finally realised that she's dangerous and unpredictable and I need stability for me and for my kids as I was losing touch with them apparently... .it was coz i was obsessed with my crazy crazy "relationship" . I'm completely empty. I'm done Title: Re: First day of no contact Post by: MikeLondon on November 04, 2016, 10:43:58 AM My only problem is that I feel sorry for her as I know she adores me so much but she can't regulate those feelings. It was like I gave her a life force and was nothing without me... .but in doing so she sucked my life force out of me... . I just don't want her to hurt anymore or me for that matter and the only way I can do this is by nc
Hello Mate I am 3 weeks NC and what you wrote, all of it just about could apply to me. The quote is exactly how I have been feeling and thinking. I've read a lot on here and I suppose that I FINALLY( hopefully ) realise that it is over, there is no solution in communication, cos I've tried all kinds of ways until there was nothing of me left. I don't know about you but the feelings I am left with are real sadness because my BPD ex gf was all of the wonderful, caring, magical and loving parts BUT the downside was rage and insecurity and control and the amount of anxiety and fear it brought up in me became unbearable, half a dozen recycles later, I am broke and missing her and all of a sudden from an interesting, exciting, terrifying all consuming relationship I am left missing her, and yet hoping she doesn't contact me. Feeling a sense of hope and potential freedom along with fear of the future. Many contradictions, but I am opting for health at last. So good luck Confused bloke, it seems like there is a lot of real useful information, sharing and caring here. I hope you stay strong as I am hoping for the same. Cheers Title: Re: First day of no contact Post by: jasmine-1234 on November 05, 2016, 02:09:39 AM I can relate to your feeling. I could also see the hurt in my ex. How much I wanted to heal it and make it all better! But it's a selfless act for sure with no end in sight.
Good thing you went NC! Yes you and the kids need something stable. I think now you might definitely experience some PTSD. My nervous system seemed totally shot. You will need lots of rest. Get some self care... .relaxation time, massages, whatever makes you feel good :) Title: Re: First day of no contact Post by: troisette on November 05, 2016, 04:39:39 AM Hi Confusedbloke
Congratulations! You made it through one day on NC - the start of detachment. It's a long journey. I'm over a year NC now, as everyone says, it's not linear but it's definitely a forward journey to better things. I agree with Jasmine: my nervous system was shot and I had some PTSD. I found a good vitamin B supplement, magnesium (which is depleted by stress) and another supplement recommended by someone on this site, SAM-e, helped a lot. Onwards, a journey of a thousand miles starts with one single step. Good thoughts to you. |