BPDFamily.com

I met this girl through BDSM website 3 years ago.

The passion, the sex, the chemistry was incredible. She was my own pornstar. Within  three months I moved with her. After another two months I took over the financial duties. I took upon family of five. She was a single mum and had 4 kids ranging from 2 to 8 years. Within two months I ran out of all my savings. At the same time she fell pregnant to me. I had to move back to my city.

We have had on/off love hate relationship right till babies birth. I was there for my babies birth. Things wet calm for a while. 6 months fast forward - She started an annihilation comparing over an argument. Painted me black on the BDSM website. Turns almost everyone against me. Rang my work and got me suspended for psychological assessment.

Took a Protection Order out me. I took one out on her due to her Annhilation Compaign.

The court date arrived after 8 long months. Both the Protection Orders were thrown out.

As soon as the Protection Orders were chucked out she was back. Pleading and begging me to get back with her.

I could not resist the temptation and was back in an instant.

We had incredible six weeks. After that splitting started again.

She was asked to move out of her house as rent was going up. She told me she has found a house but she won't let me know the new address.

I kept seeing her but she asks her other four kids to stay away from me.

Three weeks ago she stopped all communication. We live I different  cities 100 km apart.

Three nights ago I received 3 texts messages meant for someone else. Obviously a jealousy ploy.

When I asked when can I see my son _ She responded she is tthousands km away on a different Island. That she has moved there permanently with all the kids. She implied she is with a new lover or Sugardaddy.

About 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Herpes. I am not spur if I caught it from my ex. She I adamant that she has herpes but a different strain.

I am not sure I she is reAlly gone or if this is all a head___.

I am in a very dark place.

Please please your guidance and help would be appreciated.

Hey JohnG, that is a lot. Welcome. You're in the right place.

So--forgive me if I don't get this right--she has taken your child away?

What are your desires now--with respect to her, your child, and yourself?

How are you coping?

Hi JohnG-

And welcome!  A lot of events, I'm sorry you're going through that, very hurtful and confusing, although not rare around here, we understand.

Do you know what your goal is?  You have a child with her now, that changes things, and it doesn't sound like you're on regular communication terns and that the relationship is over?  It's helpful to tell more of your story here, it's cathartic, and read and post a lot as you decide what you're going to do; folks have all kinds of different relationships with people who exhibit traits of the disorder, and there's surely a place here where you'll connect well, in the meantime, take care of you!

I am not copying.

Breaking down crying every 30 minutes.

Herpes has broken down my self esteem even more.

The last 3 years have been surrealistic. When I manage to sleep, the nightmares are horrible.

I miss m 18 month old son. And it'S WEIRD BUT I miss her too. I wish I would  not have engaged with her after the court case was over and protection orders thrown out.

I could not focus. I coud not concentrate. Her fad is everywhere.

She has worked in we industry since her teen years. Then went on to have 5 kids with 3 different dads. Mine I the youngest one.

I thought I can fix her.

But now I am broken. I do not know she to summon the strength to function from day to day.

The initial honeymoon phase was something like I hhad never experienced before.

I need therapy and lots of it.

I try to distract myself by Gym etc but her face keeps popping in front of my eyes. She is very seductive... Lethaly Seductive and I cant let go.

I am in pieces with no self esteem... .

Please any tips.

Any help... .

Correction : coping
                   Face
              She has worked in sex industry since her teen years.

I have spoken to my lawyer and he said Sh can't take my son away like that.

That we 'll start proceedings and She has to relocate.

Regards,
J

John,

It's pretty common to find your self esteem is in the toilet after a tempestuous breakup like this. A lot of us (most of us) went or are going through periods where we feel broken--absolutely destroyed. Take some solace in knowing you aren't alone.

It's okay and not at all unusual that you miss her. You were in a complicated relationship with her, and the recovery/detachment process will be a journey of discovering why you were so drawn to her.

Note: sex and sexual chemistry are often a major source of connection in these relationships. Read through the threads here and you will likely find discussions you can relate to.

Take a look at some of the articles here:

https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-broken

They will likely resonate with you.

I'll let others say more. I'm glad you have a lawyer working with you to get you access to your child. You'll likely find some good advice on the family law message board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0)

That's true John, you have parental rights.  There are also Co-parenting and Family Law boards on this site, poke around, planty of info and folks in the same place you are.


And this site is a great addition to a local therapist.

And it's common to have that conflict between your head and your heart, where it was crazy and unstable, yet you miss her.  That will all make sense with time, best to follow your head for now, do what is right, and your heart will catch up eventually.  Kudos on the gym, and it's really important to take very good care of yourself right now, as you grieve, detach, and do what you need to do to see your son.  Take care of you!

@ Steelwork

Many thanks for your reply...

The 8 months when we both had protection orders in place on each other were he'll.

But it was time for growth in face of challenging circumstances.

I still missed her a lot but  I made lot's of progress in those 8 months because I was not in contact with her. My social circle widened.

My self confidence grew. And I answered her Annhilation Compaign and attacks in court. And I was starting  to enjoy myself again.


And then she came back. Next day fate the court. Begging and pleading me to come back. And to heal her.

I slipped. I was back straight away. This time honey moon period lasted only six eight weeks.


And now she is gone. Gone 1000 km away?

I don't know if she is telling the truth or bull___ting yet...

Three days ago I receive following three messages from her.

" Are you OK for a drive tonight"?

" We have to drink lots of coffees"

"Keep me up all night"

And then sorry John... Those got wrongly sent to you.

And then two hour later a recording from concert.

And a message sorry John... phone was in my pocket " got accidentally recorded and Sen to you".

I mean what the he'll. She is try in to tell me that she is having time of her life?


Only two months ago Sh was asking me to leave the BDSM lifestyle aand start a new life with her.

I don't  do much in BDSM circles. But I have a social network that helped me cope during 8 months... .


I said not so quickly _ lets wait six Months and rebuild trust again...

Until three weeks ago she was seeing me and sleeping with me...

And now BAM she is away. 1000 kms away on a different Island with a nd lover or sugardaddy.

She kept saying to me two months ago " I'll have a pure life with or without you John".

I see she is highly active on BDSM site again.

Pure Life ?

With or without me?...

Lol

I am think I think I lot about her... .

And with this herpes diagnosis my misery is even worse.

I feel like that seductive ex was my only soul mate.

Who else Will
 Find me attractive now?

This was a toxic relation.

A rollercoaster of highs and lows from he'll.

I am missing her terribly... .

Every hour is unbearable...

I should go lift some weights... .

Watch some comedies... .

But still my heart is bleeding and there is a horrible horrible void that is eating me inside out... .

And On top of that I am missing my 18 month old son... .


Damn
Is this he'll?

I need to practice detachment... but am unable too right this moment.

Well at least the trail she makes / leaves behind is clear.

Couple of kids with different fathers
No contact or limited contact between fathers and kids
Securing next partner first  with great sex and than with a kid later.

I think you need less therapy than you think, because you know very well what is happening and what happened.
And also why it happened to you.

You biggest problem will be your son.
You need legal help for that to regulate it.

For the rest: you can not miss her.
Maybe you miss the good moments and incredible sex you had and your dream that those would and could last for ever. My relationship with the ex gf lasted in total about three years and we had one in which sex was a very strong driver.
So yes that part of the relationship i miss and i know that in a next relationship i will never get to same quality and quantity.
That i miss.
But i dont miss her.
Takes some time to see that more clear and being NC helped in the process.

You body is missing hormones and neurotransmitters that this relationship ( mainly the sex part of it) produced for you and made you feel good. This is why you are so messed up right now.

One Key :

Thanks you almost made me cry.

Sex was crazy.

Sex was beyond crazy.

We met on a BDSM site. We exchanged few messages online and on mobile.
The same very night I was there at her place 100 km away from my city.

And I had an eye opening sex. Pushed my limits.

It was very much like hotel california. There she stood in the doorway. I walked in and every thing in my life changed.

Changed Forever... .

That was three years ago.

I fell in love within few weeks. or even on first night.

She texted me after few weeks saying who would want to take over family of five.
She only had four kids then.

Three to one dad. And one to another dad.

I saw this broken girl in her.

Broken Girl who can be an enchanting seductress.

She encompassed all my childhood fantasies.
We had similar interests like playing Chess and Wrestling and Martial Arts etc.

I wanted to fix her. and within three months I took over her family.

She was married to her husband for 8 years. She has 3 kids with her husband.

That turn to custard when a Sugardaddy Doctor entered the picture. She secretly wanted to be Sugardaddies Mistress.
She promised him a son. Her fourth child.

Her husband did not digest. HIS EGO was wounded. He left her.

In the meantime Sugardaddy lots her riches by strange luck of fate. She become pregnant.

Sugardaddy doc was forced to move overseas. She moved overseas as well with her four kids to a developing country.

She did not like it there and returned back...

A few months later I enter the picture.

I moved in with her after three months.
At the same time She invited Sugar daddy dOc back to babysit kids and help her with studying nursing.

Doc came but he wanted sugar and love. She refused saying to him that she does not owe him anything and that she has me as her boyfriend.

My ego was flattered. The doc did not like this. She mercilessly threw him out.

I felt like the king of the castle... But within next two moths I ran ou3 of my money. She fell pregnant to me. I had to move back to my city 100 km away.

That's when love hate push pull really started.

She booked termination twice and both times cancelled it.

Fast forward baby is born.
Fast forward six months again. A disagreement  happens between us.

She put some photos up on BDSM site. She said to me she has manu submissive men who admire her.

That was hear breaking. But I tried to be sympathetic  And understand her.

I thought Sh is putting photos up on BDSM site I should ou3 some photos up too.

I did a horror fantasy type shoot with few friends. Put tthe photos up. And she went utterly totally madly crazy.

She told me I am after social status.

That is when she outed me to work and other law agencies.

Made a big write up online against me.

An utter Annhilation Compaign.

Turned almost 60 percent BDSM community against me.


Took ou3 the Protection Order on me.

In defense I did one on her.

Those 8 months of separation were he'll. But  towards the end I was starting to enjoy being alone. I was a social gadfly with so many new friends.

Then the court date arrived  And protection orders wet thrown out.

She was back texting me next day. I could not resist and was back with her.

I had not seen my son for 8 months. I missed him.

Our new hone moon period lasted 6 weeks. I become so enthralled by her again that I lots me job. Lol

And now She is gone.
1000 km away. Or so she says.

I discovered I had herpes. I told her. She laughed and said Sh have had it since she was 14. But different strain. She laughed and told me to deal with it... .

Now I miss her terribly. I miss my 18 Month old son too.

I am thinking where will I find a girl as seductive as her.

And then the limiting belief.

I had herpes - Who would wanna know me in intimate way... .

Layer upon layer of misery.

From three nights I have not slept...

If this I a mind f××× then it I powerful one.

I just want to sleep and wake up one day...

And hope everythi g was normal... .


Call me crazy... .

But I am thinking obsessively  about her.

Help Please... .l

Did not want to make you cry.

My relationship lasted 3 years and it is now three years ago it stopped.
So i recognize very well the stage you are in right now.
Though fortunately i have no child with her.

Right now you are in FOGH.

F stands for fear
Fear of not seeing your son enough, of your health, of being no longer accepted in the BDSM community you were in, fear that she at any time can paint you black. Fear of never having same great moments ever again in your life.

O stand for obligation you feel or felt to save her, cure her. And for taking care of your child

G stands for guilt. Guilt you feel for your part that contributed to this disaster.

H stands for hope. Hope that one day she is cured and comes back to you and you will have the greatest life possible together.

This is a lot to go through at it all is tangled up with each other. And your body is screaming for that dopamine release that sex and certainly BDSM sex gives.

I would try to cur it in smaller pieces, take care of the parts that you can control to the best of your abilities ( son and health), forget the things you can control (yes she can paint you black any time. She wont do it though as long as you dont trigger her. So no contact is best), and stop living in guilt and obligation.

And please stop hoping.
You are clever enough to know that this relationship with her dant work and she is incurable.

Right now focus on yourself, do everyday some small tasks that you can realisticly finish and do finish them. Dont flee in another relationship.

That is what somewhat repaired myself after three years of being three years in a crazy relationship.

@ One Key :

Many thanks. Wonderful Advice.

I tried to stay busy. And totally exhausted myself at gym. It helped ease the pain a little.

Update:

Text from Ex... "You can see your son in my old town today for couple of hours".

I spoke to my lawyer.

Lawyer said go see your son and ask her if she has moved away 1000 km or not.

I went to see my son to her town 100 km away. Ex said to me that she is travellin a lot these days but I can see my son once a week in her old town which is 100 km away from my city.

She still would not give me her new address or tell me where she lives.

During my play time with my son she maintained her distance...

As I was leaving and said good byes she looked at me and said " In an ideal world you'll be coming home to me today not returning back ".

I said bye and left.


I am still dumbfounded what her moving away to another island 1000 km away drama was all about.

Phew!

Please help guys... .

While on the drive  back I received messages from her saying "  She feels pity for me "

And then 10 messages saying she has love in her life. That she is loved...


And then tonight that " She is going out on date ".

Just mind ___ed.

Games

Hi John-


I'm sorry you're going through that, it's so confusing and crazymaking.  It's great you got to see your son though.  It's helpful to understand why a borderline does the things they do: borderlines, in an attempt to feel whole, attach to someone else, not in a healthy "you complete me" way, but in an unhealthy fusing of psyches way to create one person out of two; borderlines need to do that because they don't have a fully formed self of their own.  The problem is, once an attachment is formed, it's unstable because where do you draw the line between two people if they're fused into one?  So borderlines then contend with the fear of abandonment, that you'll leave, and fear of engulfment, that you'll get too close and the borderline will "disappear" into you; those opposing fears are what motivate the push/pull behavior you're experiencing: saying she has pity for you and telling you she has love in her life is pushing you away, saying in an ideal world you'd be coming home to her is pulling you back, and having a child between you is a way to keep that attachment alive, which is everything to borderlines.  And the closer and more intimate a relationship gets the more the fears get triggered.

It's very difficult for us to try and tolerate that, deal with it, although it's very difficult for her too, she spends her life in that place.  Many of us have found this article helpful at this stage, check it out and see if it helps; learning why a borderline does what they do can eliminate a lot of the confusion, doesn't make the behaviors OK, but makes them less crazymaking:   https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

Feeling immense sadness today. Reading back over her text messages.

She telling me she feels so much pity for me and nothing else. That she has so many lovers in her life. That I saved her initially and then destroyed her.

I am just a wreck, in terrible agony. Her messages as I was driving back yesterday were gut wrenchingly horrible and hurt me to the core.

Oh what have I become in three years. No hope. It all looks so bleakly gloomy .

Hey john

Try to remember who you were before you met and got into a relationship with her, then when you are ready you can figure out why you stayed with her and accepted what you did. I will caution you that when you shift the focus to you it can be extremely painful, but that is where the path to a better, more peaceful life exists.

Thanks to all of you who have given such a lovely advice.

I am finding it very hard to consciously switch my attention away from her. Is this Trauma Bonding? Is this StockHolm Syndrome.

I feel like this person holds the key to my happiness. May be my brain chemistry is altered after three years.

In the recent months there were few highs littered here and there. But lows that happened were incredibly low. Painfully traumatic life draining lows.

I let so many good things in my life slide putting the ex on the pedestial. Treated   her kids like mine. And I am amazed how can she just instantly banish me out after beggin to reconnect after the court stuff was over.

And she is showing she is happy with other guy or guys... And that she has a feeling of belonging now.

I can't shift my focus back to me. I wonder if hypnosis would help. My unconscious mind has been altered. When I sleep my dreams are full of nightmares of being back with her.

Mornings are the worst. I don't even feel like wakin up. I would do anything to shift my focus away from her. I am in a world of pain.
May be this is the FOGH at it's thickest

I know it's hard but try not to reread the messages. Get your mind on other things. What helps me is to watch a funny movie. laughter is healing. Hope you feel better soon.

Having such a hard time today.
Everything feels empty.
The world vacant.

I am suffering from the Toxic Shame that I never felt before

Just passing today have become unbearable.

Can you elaborate on toxic shame John?  Could it be guilt instead?

Toxic shame that I could not take care of her and her family and that she is now moved onto some other sugardaddy or daddies.

Toxic shame that my son is not with me.

Toxic shame at not being enough despite giving almost everything...

I understand John, I've felt similar, most of us here have, and hear this: no one could have been enough, no one.  So really there's no point in blaming ourselves, although it feels like the natural thing to do, it feels accurate.  Relationships with someone with the disorder, which is a mental illness, go through stages, and in the end you lost, she lost, the only winner was the disorder.

Here are some articles that may help:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

I feel like breaking no contact today.

Almost on the verge of breaking it.

Are you interested in stepping back and analyzing your emotions, or are you going to follow your impulses unquestioned?

@heeltohea : I did not contact. I went for a drive in the open country instead. And the gym. I had to grit my teeth and use all the will to not contact. It was hard. But now I feel better for not contacting.

Sadness is still immense though

The longer you maintain NC, the easier it gets to continue it.

Well done with the drive and gym. Continue looking out for you.

I looked at her Social Media. She is with someone else.

And seems like she is having the time of her life. While here I am "feeling like crawling under the tree and dying".

I do not want to leave my bed. The world seems like a big empty void full of hurt.

I have this huge  void.
The will to live is shattered. I feel like a zombie.

How can she move on just like that.
Help my guys. Today even gym seems boring...

 

I have never felt pain like this before. Not even when my marriage broke down. Or at death of loved ones.

Seeing her with someone else is making me feel so inadequate. How to climb up this help hole of desperarion and misery  

Why is my mind desperately craving that fix. Highs were real high but they were only few are far between.

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting so much. I think people on this board understand so well. It seems that it really is an addiction, even a chemical one. Do go out again, do go to the gym. Step by step... .don't let this person drive your life. Easier said than done, I'm struggling with it too. Looking at social media is deadly - it doesn't get any worse. NC is much easier. Keep going, John. Keep coming back here, too.

I am sorry. You want her back the way it was. Read the posts, and substitute your name and your girls. We are all victims, suffer, and learn. It has to get worse before it gets better. Like with any addiction, recovery may be a lifelong process because most recycle if you let them, which will keep messing you up. Think about their pattern behavior. New one will be gone too in time.

I used to be confident three years ago. Full of hopes and dreams. And a passion for life.

My therapist told me 90 percent of my day time is preoccupied with thinking about her. It does not even have to do anything with my son. I am working only at 10 percent on my capacity. And still achieving results like doing my studies. Getting a new job. Imagine   the wonders if I was functioning at 70 80 percent.

How to break this terrible chemical addiction.
Why am I acting out so beta in my head.

Obviously she is stunning. But that too because she knows how to put make up on.  I have scene our in throes of rage. Her beautiful face contorted into demonic ugly rage. And that was scary.

Now she has a  new guy added as a play partner on social media. Bigger muscles and what not.

Am I hurting. Or just jealous. I am loosing focus badly. Was any time with her real? Was  it all a fantasy. It feels like my brain is literaly on fire. Her face looming all day in front of my eyes.

Shall I go do some adventure stuff. Get out of the bed. I am just broken down. And my brain is on fire from too much thinking...

 

Hey John

I know how much it hurts becoming a broken down empty shell of the person you used to be; we need to learn why this happened to us, why we stayed in a relationship that was so hurtful for both partners.
First you need to detach enough in order to get out of the FOG and then you will be able to see things clearly while you continue learning about the disorder.
Take it one day at a time, allow your thoughts and feelings to just come and go; accept that you need to recover and it will take what it takes, as I have learned from others-the best way to fight something is to not fight it.

Focus on you, look forward to the little things in life that you enjoy.

I used to enjoy body building and exercise. Writing and readin Poetry.

I am living from hour to hour.
Dragging like a bag of bones.

This herpes thing keeps playing on my mind. A friend cheered me up and said it is just acne for adults. Just be honest with your future sex partners.

The life right now seems so dull and boring. Another friends said boring is good. It's not a bad thing.

I am terribly missing the highs  I used to feel with my BPD ex. And shaken to my very core how easily she has moved on.

I want this dreadful void like feeling to go away. I was thinking hard to join the army.

But I think I'll be doing that for a wron reason.
I am a mess. Yes small things... an hour at a time.

Thanks you all. Your replies give me hope... .

I can't stop looking at her social media. And every photo and every comment by her new lover's and past one's that were hiding in the wood work pings like a mother****** that I feel like the wind is being knocked out of me.

Was having this utterly beautiful but monstrous entity as my gf  covering the shortcomings I had in my life.

Great question John.  A big part of detaching is shifting the focus from our exes to ourselves and seeing what we can learn about ourselves, motivated by the pain at the end of these relationships.  Detachment is a grand adventure once we dive in, and you might start educating yourself on the disorder too, which can take the confusion out of our ex's behaviors and give us new insights.  Have you started reading the materials here?

@from Healtoheal : Thanks.
I have been on Shari Screiber website from last year. Reading everything there religiously.

I can't stop looking at her social media.
And the comments that her new lovers and bdsm partners are leaving are excruciating.

Seems like she was engaged with all of them during her love and hate three year long dance.

On top of that I am terribly missing my son. It's more than a week since I last saw him.

Stuff it... I am off to the gym. Lifting some heavy iron. At least I can sleep after that :)

FYI, while reading Shari Schreiber's materials feels good and may help a little in early detachment, she is not a reputable resource, and I encourage you to read the more clinically-based information on this site and in the recommended books.  And it doesn't sound like it's helping if it's been a year and you're where you are yes?

I understand the impulse to check up on our exes on social media, cyberstalking, and consider: how does it make you feel?  Not good right?  So if the goal is to detach, cyberstalking doesn't help, and then the challenge becomes investigating the feelings and impulses that create that urge to look, to check up, what are we looking for?  :)igging there can be fruitful as we grieve, process and detach from the relationship.

www.sexloveandwar.blogspot.co.nz/2010/12/BPD-just-dumped-me-what-do-i-do.html?m=1

This is another article which has provided me some solace over the weeks.

@HeeltoHeal can you please guide me towards the tactics or tips I can use when I feel the urge to look.

I think checking her up on social media is terribly slowing my detachment process

I agree, and that urge is common, most of us have or have had it, but following up on it rarely helps and usually hurts.


The simplest one is just focus on how it makes you feel when you do it.  Fully associate to how terrible you feel when you look and learn something that hurts, and that will give looking a negative association so you won't want to do it.

And the other piece is to start to shift the focus from her to you and from the past to the future.  The best way to fight something is don't fight it, create something new, like the creation of your empowered future.  That and reading the articles on this site will clear up confusion and shift your focus, so what she's up to will matter less, and eventually won't matter at all.

@heeltoheal: Many thanks. Every word helps. Thanks for your guidance. I went to the gym. And the endorphin release feels blissful.

Once again thanks for your guidance. For now I'll try not to look but do small things that I enjoy. Read a book. See a friend.

Etc. Etc. And I'll read articles on this website thourougly. I'll hang in there mate. Hang in and ride out this ocean of pain.and desperation  :)

And remember, to be proactive about it, when you get the urge, focus strongly on how it's made you feel after you looked in the past, focus really hard on that and how bad it was, and after a while just the thought of looking won't feel good, and then you'll be free of it.

The feeling of hollowness is getting worse and worse. It's been 5 weeks. Instead of getting better.

I terribly miss her. She is rubbing the new guy in my face. I did not look today.

But the painful feeling is taking over my body. It's like I am sitting here all day thinking. Unable to function.

Good for you for not looking John.  And what you're doing is starting to grieve the loss of the relationship, which is a good thing, and there's really no way to speed it up, but you can slow it down by continuing to check up on her.  I think I remember your relationship was 3 years long, and you don't get over that in 5 weeks; best to set your sights on the long haul, say 6 months or a year, although the worst part is at the beginning and it gets much easier.  The only way out is through, and now that you're in it you might as well not check up on her, might as well just feel everything all the way, that's what pain leaving feels like, and you'll come out the other side stronger and wiser.  And while you're at it, try and take care of yourself best you can, eat, sleep, drink enough water, go light on the booze and caffeine or not at all, and you're going to the gym which is great.  And keep talking to us, this is a grand adventure if you say so, and you'll have lots of great insights as you walk this path.  Take care of you!

This is really a great adventure. I asked Army to reopen my file. Last time four years ago I went to the recruitment process and passed everything. But never went for initial training.

This time they have reopened it and asked me to sort the paperwork within two weeks.

I have ro decide what to do. Right now I am just drifting aimlessly.

The pain pangs for me are worst in the mornings. I feel like I should have never gone back after 8 months of seperation.  That re honeymoon phase lasted  only 6weeks but made this second break up much much worse.

I tried to stay busy today. It was better. The sadness was there. But the desire to look was less. And time flew by :

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