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Title: Every Woman Was a Threat Post by: RippedTorn on November 07, 2016, 08:33:55 PM I wonder, has anyone else had this problem with their BPD? When I began to seriously get involved with my BPD wife, she began trying to separate me from every woman I know. Every woman was a threat. She even told me: I don't trust any man or any woman. When I asked why, she said all men cheat and women will try and steal your man. Of course I later figured out this was projection as she herself had had affairs with married men. But believing this, led to constant anger tantrums whenever I had contact of any kind with other women. My best friends' wives were especially a problem. Even strangers on the street could be a threat if I even acted like I looked at them. This early warning sign should have been a clue about the disorder. But I just chalked it up to simple jealousy rather than fear driven parinoia. No amount of explanation or reinforcement would change her thinking. I dreaded when I saw any woman I knew. None of these were ex-lovers or real threats. Just borderline abandonment fears coming out in full bloom.
Title: Re: Every Woman Was a Threat Post by: tammym1972 on November 07, 2016, 08:46:04 PM I wonder, has anyone else had this problem with their BPD? When I began to seriously get involved with my BPD wife, she began trying to separate me from every woman I know. Every woman was a threat. She even told me: I don't trust any man or any woman. When I asked why, she said all men cheat and women will try and steal your man. Of course I later figured out this was projection as she herself had had affairs with married men. But believing this, led to constant anger tantrums whenever I had contact of any kind with other women. My best friends' wives were especially a problem. Even strangers on the street could be a threat if I even acted like I looked at them. This early warning sign should have been a clue about the disorder. But I just chalked it up to simple jealousy rather than fear driven parinoia. No amount of explanation or reinforcement would change her thinking. I dreaded when I saw any woman I knew. None of these were ex-lovers or real threats. Just borderline abandonment fears coming out in full bloom. My ex was jealous of all people, not just other men. He didn't even want me visiting my Mom. He never said anything but always seemed unhappy if I visited her and said I made her more important then him. I didn't but looking back now I should have. As least she didn't abandon me. Title: Re: Every Woman Was a Threat Post by: RippedTorn on November 07, 2016, 10:11:15 PM Yes Tammym1972
My wife said the same thing: Everyone is more important than me. It could be anyone or anything. Watching TV, answering a phone call or looking at the news on my IPad meant rejection. And she would imagine scenarios where I was going to run off with one person or another. Even my male friends were a problem. She said "You would rather spend time with them." So insecure yet nothing could change her parinoid illusions. Denying them did not work. Telling her she always comes first never worked. Nothing worked. Title: Re: Every Woman Was a Threat Post by: Pretty Woman on November 08, 2016, 09:31:20 AM It's part jealousy and part isolation tactics. At the beginning of this relationship, my ex isolated me from everyone. No one even knew we were dating so when she'd break up with me suddenly there was no one to talk to. This worked in her favor because she could push-pull and manipulate me easier in an isolated state.
You also need to realize, many BPD's cheat. I am not saying ALL but a high percentage do... .so some of their fears are you are cheating... . because they are or have. It's classic projection. So we start to think... .gee, they must love us, they don't want us hanging around other "available" persons. Then when they finally do leave us, we are confused. We don't understand. Didn't they really love us? The answer is "maybe" in their own way but their jealousy was NOT love. It was their fear of losing control over us. PW |