BPDFamily.com

Hi there my GF and I live together everything was great days be for
We moved in then I noticed a big change in her as time goes by
It gets worse I minut she's all kind sweet loving and in a split
Second I'm the worst thing in the world name calling blamed
For just about everything and so on... 10 to 30 mins later it's
Like nothing has happened ? Now she say she dosnt love me
she comes home from work happy we talk for few seconds
Then she locks  her self up in spare room unless she wants to
Talk I don't exist and when I have sumthing to say nothing
Might aswell talk to the wall because it's not important ... Last
Week I made her coffee we spoke for a bit she said thank you
Then she called a cab to go to work I said I would take her
So save ur $$ she blew up at me names called and spit in my
Face 2 day passed I said sorry for what I said yet no apologies
From her and she had a different out take in what was said
And done and she says I have split personality and should see
A doctor I told her to look in the Miror and do the same she laughed
I know her childhood was really bad and lot of bad stuff had
Happened to her ... .I don't know what to do or think or say
It took me 2 months to be able to tell her I was diagnoses with
Liver cancer... .She showed sum concern but more worried about
If I had hep because it would effect her does she have BPD or
Am I crazy? I want to help her ... Any advice would help thank you... .

Hi Fubar1970,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and that you're going through a difficult time. We can't diagnose because we're not professionals, but what we can look at are BPD traits. Feelings are like quicksilver for a pwBPD and change rapidly. A pwBPD will alter reality to match their out of place feelings. I understand how frustrating that feels when your partner doesn't apologize for bad behavior, it builds up resentment over time, a pwBPD have difficulties reciprocating in a romantic r/s, this is who she is.

A pwBPD feel low self worth, self hatred, self loath and need a lot of validation. Probably one of the most useful tools is to not JADE, don't Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. It stops conflict before it starts, BPD is a serious mental illness, my ex may believe that the sky is red, her reality is real to her, what she was raised with is her benchmark, it doesn't mean that she's right, it means that it takes two for conflict and it takes one to stop it.

Validation is a useful tool to use with highly sensitive people, it helps go validate her feelings, it makes her feel heard, invalidation builds resentment in a r/s. I'm glad that you decided to join us.

Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating)