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Title: Awareness Post by: lovenature on November 09, 2016, 10:13:20 AM I recently did some work on a girl's car, she is a waitress at a favourite pub of mine and I only know her casually. I did the work for less than what would typically be charged to help her out, felt very familiar of course to a co-dependent. She was very appreciative and expressed her feelings clearly.
Before having gone through a BPD relationship I would have just felt good for taking an opportunity to help someone, but now I have an acute awareness (radar) for any possibility of the beginning of a needy/victim, fixer/rescuer relationship. To be clear, I am not looking for another romantic relationship at this point. I also still don't feel as comfortable hugging a female friend as before my BPD relationship. Just wanted to share how I am feeling at just over 10 months NC. Title: Re: Awareness Post by: fromheeltoheal on November 09, 2016, 10:37:26 AM Hi lovenature-
Do you know why you charged her less than you normally would and why you wanted to help her out? Title: Re: Awareness Post by: lovenature on November 10, 2016, 08:37:26 PM Hi fhth
I charged less and wanted to help her out, one because I don't need the extra money, and two because it is what comes naturally to me; I have always found it very easy to offer help to someone and hard to accept help from someone. I have learned about my co-dependency (fixer/rescuer), and am trying to improve on it, one day at a time. |