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Title: If I let go of unhealthy relationships...? Post by: SheAskedForaBreak on November 10, 2016, 03:48:15 AM Is this a sign I'm getting better, more aware, and less vulnerable to the damage caused by my experiences with exBPD partners?
Title: Re: If I let go of unhealthy relationships...? Post by: fromheeltoheal on November 10, 2016, 04:03:14 AM Is this a sign I'm getting better, more aware, and less vulnerable to the damage caused by my experiences with exBPD partners? Yes it is SAFB, it's a progression, a great one. When we start looking at our part in all this, when we start being aware of what we were thinking, what we were believing, why we did the things we did, it all contributes to becoming more self-aware. And then, once to get to know ourselves better, we can look at all of the relationships in our life and decide if they are healthy, unhealthy, empowering, disempowering, supportive, unsupportive, and most importantly look at our part in them and what we make things mean. It's a wonderful adventure, and as we take it we may find that we need to remove some people from our lives, including a borderline probably, and then realize that our relationship with a borderline started all this analysis of our lives, and for that we're grateful, one, and two, we're less likely to get into relationships like that again. Title: Re: If I let go of unhealthy relationships...? Post by: Warcleods on November 10, 2016, 05:01:09 AM I believe so, yes. Its only be 7 days of no contact for me and the first few days were more about the loss of her rather than what I was feeling. I find myself thinking more about why I ignored the warning signs early on, why I allowed the relationship to continue as long as it did (which thankfully wasn't very long), and most importantly, reflecting upon silly things I did in the past which were perpetrated by avoiding my feelings rather than comforting them and knowing they are okay to have.
As I reflect more and more, I am discovering a pattern within myself that I can trace back to my early years in life. Things that I did through my teens and early 20's setup a template for how I was going to respond to things for the rest of my life. I firmly believe that my behavior patterns (unhealthy choices I have made) were largely influenced by my primal need to avoid feelings and find anything (within the parameters of sane) to distract myself from those feelings. I think that this is exactly how addictions, all of them, are started. Over the course of the last few months, I have been removing unhealthy dependencies from my life and it is building my self worth, my ability to overcome what we generalize as impossible to overcome and making me a stronger person. For the longest time I was attempting to treat the symptom rather than trying to identify the cause. You're doing a great job my friend. |