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I met her at a work party, I still remember it clearly. She was new and hadn't started yet but came to the party. She was so shy, she sat on her own so I went over to talk to her and just found myself fascinated, she was beautiful.  Like a doll. But I could tell something was off, she just had this aura of sadness around her. But I made her laugh with my corny jokes and one liners, and it made me happy to see her smile.

That night she asked me if I wanted to stay at her house because her flatmate was away and she didn't like being alone. I thought that was weird, but then so we're a lot of things. We would be together a few weeks after this.

You guys know the drill, incredible for a while, I felt high as a kite, then he'll on earth for 2 years.

Today is 45 days of no contact, and I'm clear headed. Yesterday I got an update from a mutual friend that she is not well at all. She's blocked on my Facebook and phone, but she has my work number so if she was desperate to contact me she could.

I feel bad that she's not doing well but I can't help, even if I could she doesn't want my help or take me seriously so there's nothing I can do anyway.

But to the point of this post, this whole experience has changed me for the better. The wealth of knowledge about myself and other people has been priceless.

I went from being a video game addict with no social life and mild depression, no love life for my whole early 20's. I was going nowhere.

I was 154lb when I met her, skinny and sickly looking. What started out as working out to try impress her ended up being a fitness habit to the point that today I'm 201lbs and less body fat than I was at 154.

I have good friends now and choose my friends wisely. I have cut out toxic people.

I have goals and ambitions, I am starting college soon to help with that.

I am also a lot less angry and judgemental. I now know why I was hurting before I met her and have worked through that.

I still have a way to go cutting out unhealthy habits etc but I'm getting there.

I also have met a girl I'm super attracted to, and she likes me too and I onto even have to pretend I'm something I'm not or suck up to her! Just being authentic works, who knew!

I don't know if it'll go anywhere as I'm a bit gunshy after what I've been through, but maybe it will. My main priority is getting myself to 100% so I can give my all to someone when the time is right, and maybe that'll be her, who knows.

It's been a long road, I still think if BPD every day, and I'm still saddened by what happened, but it's not all consuming, far from it.  I'm not angry or anything either. I realize now that we were both sick in different ways and it was doomed to failure from day one. But it suited me to get lost in the fantasy at the time.

Hope everyone is doing well. I was just feeling sentimental due to the occasion and felt it only right to say a few words.

Hi Infern0,

Anniversaries are potent things, aren't they? It's always good to hear of the benefits from a BPD-non relationship, even if it is the fact it doesn't work that brings about change. For me, it's been 5 months no contact except a very brief interchange when I bumped into him unexpectedly and it's been even longer since it ended for the 10th time! To be honest, I am still struggling emotionally, still lonely, still vulnerable but I have started doing the one thing I have wanted to do for over a decade - writing a novel. My BPDxbf encouraged me to do it, but it is being without him that has given me the time and motivation to do it.

Keep on doing what you are doing. It sounds like you're on the right track.

Lifewriter x

Hey infern0

I know how truly painful NC really is, I have failed a number of times. I have been NC for over 10 months now on my end with my ex. that lives across the street from me; the longer you are out the clearer things become.