BPDFamily.com

Hi again, my ex uBPDgf has started contacting me starting earlier this week. I went nc for a month. It started out with her calling me, we talk other about an hour. It was friendly, basically a update on both sides. She was telling me about that she is still was following through with seeing a t and a psychiatrist. She started seeing a t about 2 weeks ago(we were working on bipolar a month before the break up and at that time she was looking into a t), and is finally has a set appointment with a psychiatrist later this month. She has some medical issues and has been listing to the doctors. She told me she knows she needs the help now, and wants to understand why she does the things she does to me and to others. She believes she is bipolar for years and never would discus it with me, she never told me how she came to this conclusion. I believe she could be but I think it's more BPD with npd traits with how she acts. But I'm not a doctor so I'm hoping she keeps up with this and they give her a proper diagnosis. So it went from that one call too, calling me again later in the week. And now calling and texting me today with pictures of her kids.

I do believe her that she is getting help, and I do believe it is another recycle coming. My questions are

If she is getting the help and this is a recycle coming, is it better for me and her to just stay friends and let her work on therapy and me just be her support if need?

Her sleep doctor and her t are suggesting Lithium and to do a few other things. I know Lithium from my reading does help with bipolar but what if she is not? And her sleep doctor is concerned about how the family doctor has her on all this stuff. She was taken off one of the meds about a month ago, and I do seem to notice a difference in talking to her on the phone.

I know if she keeps this up I think she will improve and I know it's going to take at least months with therapy and the doctors. I didn't have the skills I do now when we were together, I would jade and not validate properly. And I would try and fix her but I know I can't do that now. I feel like I want to give it a shot and use the skills I've learned. This has never happened before in are r/s where both of us are getting help with t's and learning the proper skills. So the type of person I am is curious to see what would come of it, would this help are r/s? Am I crazy for thinking this? Has anyone seen improvement with there partner after a change in meds and therapy? Any advice would be great

Yes, therapy does help. It has been said that many who make it through two years of DBT go into remission, and that after 10 years something like 80% have recovered (but never cured). So, there is hope as long as you both keep working at it!

Thanks for the reply Meili,

Here is a quick update has of now the past few days she has contacted me by text and by calling. Sending pics of her and the kids and just talking about everyday life like nothin happened. Nothing from her today, I have told her she can reach out if need be, but I'm still keeping control over not reaching out to her. I basically know what I think is going on, first off she wanted to see how detached I was and now is basically filling her emotional void. I think she is having an emotional r/s with me without having me around. The bf is still with her, and in her words ''He is being good and listening'' me knowing that means he is being a good boy and doing what she wants. For me I'm doing pretty good about this, I learned a lot about BPD/npd since the breakup. So know I'm seeing the sings I have overlooked before, many red flags. I haven't set any boundaries, just playing my old self. I know I shouldn't be doing that, but it's actually been helping. I wanted to talk with her in person maybe get some stuff cleared up, which she was all for but now I think she wants to avoid the talk, she doesn't want me to have any type of closer. Think it's more of her thinking ''how can I get him back and move the other out'' she has done this a lot. She had me in the fog and gaslighting me, i overlooked something so obvious.

This has really helped me to detach more, showing how much years of us knowing each other and not really giving much thought for how I feel and how my life is going(I understand they can't feel for others it's about them). So I hope she is getting help, not really sure... she maybe saying that because that's what's she knows what I want to here. I'm going to keep everything the way it is for now. I'm curious to see if she really is getting help and if it will make difference.