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Anyone have any advice. I haven't seen my son since June as she is using him to ounish me. I have compassion for her but I'm at complete list as how to help her it be there for my son.

Evidently yours is a complicated situation.  Non-biological father but listed on the birth certificate?  A few questions.  How old is he?  Did you know he wasn't yours biologically or did you find out later?

On the one hand, a non-biological father such as a step father has little or no rights to parenting unless the child has been adopted.  On the other hand, having your name on the birth certificate should tip the scales in your favor.

Be aware that in some states a father who walks away can be locked into Child Support even if he's not the biological parent.  A lot can depend on when the father found out he wasn't a parent.  Check your state laws!

Clearly, you need to get multiple family law consultations to get an assortment of legal advice and strategies going forward.  Making guesses and assumptions is not a good strategy.  This is not a matter to entrust to a lawyer who expects to just file forms and hold hands.

Now, as for the child... .Mother is already probably telling the boy that you abandoned him/them, that you walked away, that you didn't care about him, that you didn't love him.  So she's indoctrinating that.  So if you think it's better to walk away, how can her description of you be disproved to him?  Her side would be all he hears year in and year out.  Yes, struggling in court to remain a father to your child is probably the only way he will be reminded through the years that you are fighting for him and his future.

I'm thinking... .ask the guardian ad lit her opinion as she is experienced in this area. If she says it will be worse for son then I let go. But I think I am going to file an offer to her attorney a. She has full custody and at her discretion on IF and when I get visits. My discretion on financial support. Keep my name on birth certificate. Or  B. One weekend per month w financial support. Or C. Battle it out in court.

Why only one weekend per month?  One typical perspective with new members is that most are willing to sell themselves short.  If you want to stand up for the child, then stand up.  Standard is alternate weekends or else 2-3 weekends per month (such as first, third and fifth weekends).

Repeat, if you will be getting visitation, then know full well that all courts consider alternate weekends (mine were long, full 3 day weekends, Fri pm to Mon pm, or Friday after school to Monday before school) is the least a parent gets unless there is some level of concern about that parent's parenting.

Also, courts are very unwilling to order sole custody to one parent unless there is solid reason to do so.  Or if the parent wants to give up custodial responsibility.

Also, I don't think a father can avoid child support.  My court said all mother had to do was to file for it and they'd pull out the calculator.  So even if she agrees not to file for CS and it becomes part of the order, she could later seek CS and probably they'd allow it.  Of course, if you're not viewed by the court as a parent they may not come after you later.  But get a legal opinion about that too.  Remember the old saying, the worst patient is the person who has himself for a doctor?  Same goes for legal advice, you're not a lawyer so don't try to be your own lawyer.  Even our excellent peer support here has its limits, we have tons of hard won experience but we still can't give legal advice and especially not local legal advice.

Also, understand that when you present an offer, you may view it as this or that.  Ex will view it as your starting point and she'll be focused on whittling it down smaller and smaller.  I recall I started out being 'fair'.  I told my then-stbEx I thought 50% time was right.  She totally refused (she demanded that I have supervised visits!) but with the poor reports eventually before the court at literally the last minute, just before the long awaited Trial was to start, she settled and I not only walked out with equal time but also as Primary parent.  While fathers have an uphill struggle to get results that good, the point is that you don't have to settle for crumbs.  Frankly, you might end up with crumbs if both she and court are unhelpful but it doesn't mean you should start out asking for crumbs! :thought:

Also, any offer you make can have a deadline attached.  An offer is not a forever one, it can expire or even be rescinded.  Nothing is "written in stone" until the settlement is made a court order.  Even then, it can be modified after a year or two and especially if there are major changes to either parent's circumstances.

  Attorney advised to go for full custody and hope to get Joint at least if not then visitations.  My Psychotherapist said be prepared for full custody as sometimes is the case because she is pretty severe case.  I asked BPD Mothers on FB Forum they all said stay as Father.