BPDFamily.com

So this is my first post, and I am looking for help.

I work with my BPD and have recently made a connection between work and my times of emotional stress.  I am taking over the business from the BPD and wonder if it is worth it. 

The first clue happened a couple months ago when he tried to emotionally blackmail me into doing what he wanted.  I actually realized what had happened and said no.  I then wondered how many other ways he is trying to manipulate me. 

Next he told me he hates my friend and doesn't want the friend around him at work, and doesn't want my friend to set foot on his property.  A bit odd to me his reasons, but hey, it is his choice.  So I agreed to keep the friend away and not cause undue issues.  Well then the BPD went out of the state.  I had had a couple years of friendship with this guy and he wanted to go hunting, and I own the property in the center of the business.  I had overstated last year where he would be able to go hunting, but I corrected that considering my BPD's wishes.  He was only hunting on my property.  So basically, there was unrelated stuff that happened, but my friend hunting came up with sisters, and they were going to have a talk with the BPD, and so I called and told the BPD I had given my friend permission to hunt my property only.  I was very upset when I did this and I have come to the conclusion it is because I knew that the BPD would react badly. 

It has been 16 days since we have talked on the phone.  Previously we talked a couple times a day or at least every few days.  But nothing now.  No response to good news I left a voice message about or anything.  I have worked with him long enough to know, as the book Stop Walking on EggShells said, he is pouting.  He didn't get his way even though I followed his rules, it wasn't enough.  I am suffering for it.  I want to know how I am suppose to react that is healthy for me.  I can also ignore him, refuse to talk to him when he finally does call, refuse to give him a ride from the airport... .?  Should I?

So he and his wife aren't coming to Thanksgiving.  Instead they are going to a sisters.  This was intentionally hurtful because I turned down an offer to join them out of state for Christmas (with 2 sister's families) so they are mad about that, and instead of joining me for Thanksgiving when they won't see me for Christmas, they are making an issue of it just simply by going to a sisters who they will be seeing at Christmas.  Families... .Geesh.

So I am now reading another BPD book, The Dance of Anger, and I have 7 more books on the way, and I am seeing many things which make me believe he is BPD, and I am suffering from not being able to please him.  I am ready for change.

I guess right now I really am wondering if anyone other than my phychiatrist thinks that normal people don't just stop talking to people for no clear reason, and if there is someone who is experiencing this too?  I am mad, I am hurt, I have chest pains, I want to go off the wall and quit working to make him money, and on and on.  Any thoughts?

I think any time a person seems to be jumping through hoops in order not to anger another person, there's something unhealthy about the relationship, personality disorder or not.  You've seen what appeasement results in,  you being "punished."

From your story,  there's nothing wrong at all inviting the other friend onto your property, though it sounds tricky of your upwBPD  (undiagnosed person with BPD) has ties to it through the business. 

"No clear reason may be what you,  I or your P sees,  but your friend with BPD traits views the world through a distorted lens,  likely "you don't respect me,  therefore I'm worthless,  validating how I feel about myself deep down."

There are a number of ways you could play this,  and the business complicates it.  I get that you care about him and value his friendship. In addition to the books, we have lessons at the top of the board which contain communication tools which might help. 

Things like this are hard,  especially around the holidays. 

Thank you for your post, I completly agree with everything you said. Undiagnosed, BPD traits, and I really want to stop myself from exhibiting some of those traits. Thank you

It has now been 21 days of the silent treatment from my dad. I wont call him my BPD anymore, but I definitely feel he is that. They were traveling in frov a out of state trip and coming in for Thanksgiving. I am usually the ride from the airport but hadn't heard anything, and since I was allowing the stress to build, I called a bro in law and found out they were landing after I would be gone hone for the day. So I called dad. Left a message which Inwas able to keep normal and asked him to give me a call. He didn't.  So my mom texted some not important stuff about something and I replied "I want to talk to dad. ". He called. I said hi hows pacing going and the tone I received made it clear (as if I didnt already know) he didnt want to talk. So I just asked. So why are you so mad at me?  He said we could talk about it this weekend. I said actually there wint be much time to talk this weekend so just tell me... .is it because of my hunting friend?  He says well basically yeah it is. I said "ok, thanks" and hung up the phone. Then texts began arriving from mom.

I would like any constructive comments from any of you who would like to make recommendations to me on where I am heading, using these text messages.
Me, I want to talk to dad.

Me, I will be sticking up for myself from now on. Since I have been getting the silent treatment for three weeks, you have made it clear. I will not be talking to either of you till I get an apology. I have been suffering mentally and have physical chest pains. The only good news is I am figuring out what causes my emotional swings.

Mom ie. Dad, How about apologizing to us for splitting hairs and disrespecting the one person we did not want on the farm?    What is his power over you? We truly believe he is a bad influence.

Me, Well since the rules were to not have him around dad, and to not allow him on dad or your property... .i completely followed his wishes. I understand you don't like him. I am unable to make you and dad happy because I am not cutting off a friend because my parents don't like him. I expect more from my parents and partners in business.

Mom ie. Dad, Why didn't 't you just invite him to hunt at your house/farm and there would not have been an issue

Me, The issue is not even about him. It is about me doing anything at the farm, which you dont approve of. I wont be emotionally blackmailed any more. That is it.

Mom ie. Dad, No you have this wrong.

Me, I am done texting about it. I have said my peace and am done. Have a safe flight home.

The End.
I tried to keep it about me with I statements. I am planning on sticking with my statwment I will have an apology or I wont talk to them. And actually I will make appropriate statemwnts if they call, but then what, maybe deflect into? 

Thanks for any help. My chest pains have almost disapeared, except if I think about it much and start crying.