BPDFamily.com

Hello,
Just found this site.  I have been working with a therapist and recently she mentioned that my mother may be a BPD.  Reading all the material and listening to the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, so much is resonating with me. 

After so many years of this, I am at a point where I am ready to cut off all communication.  I feel horrible about this.  Are there others out there that have made this decision and are there any regrets?

Thanks!

hi and welcome!  There are many here who have decided to cut off contact, also known as going 'no contact' or NC for short.  Some are in the process of deciding and some hold it as a reserve option.  So yes, you have lots of comapnay here. 

Choosing NC or even LC (limited contact) is a very difficult and individual choice.  Unfortunately with BPD there is no good choice at least none that are without difficult and unpleasant feelings. 

It is not an easy choice to make but posting here can help you work through your feelings and options and have realistic expectations and understanding of the process.

Do you feel up to giving more details about your situation?  Can you identify the most troublesome aspect of your relationship with your mother or are there too many to count at this point?

People here are warm and compassionate and honest in their feedback.  you have landed in a kidnd, safe and warm place.  hope to read more from you soon.

Hi DBGrl93,  

*welcome*

I'd like to join  C<||| Harri and welcome you to  bpdfamily. My dad isn't BPD he shows traits of an anxiety disorder but my ex shows traits of BPD. I have controlled contact with both but it's really controlled with my ex. I'd like to echo Harri, everyone's situation is different and requires different choices and needs, its not one size fits all and NC is not a hard and fast rule, you can tweak it, remove, leave it, re-add it.

I chose controllerd contact because both are self absorbed and are not conscious of how invalidating and hurtful that they are. They're both mentally ill with different severity but it doesn't give them carte blanche, they really should take ownership and try to to do self work to improve. That being said, NC really is about self protection and boundaries. Boundaries is self compassion or self love, it's like an invisible outward layer that protects us from harm.

My ex regardless of baiting, blame shifting, condensation etc I don't share anything personal ( same goes with my dad ) and I respond to what is valid, we only need to talk about  the kids and nothing else. I let my dad have contact with the kids but when it comes to me, I don't share anything personapl its easier with him though because he supresses and avoids his feelings which in turn causes him more anxiety. I used to try to please him, I learned a lot about relationships here and he's just not capable with r/s', he has very black and white thinking and he's incredibly invalidating, he sees me as mostly all bad. I have good and bad qualities.

Do I have regrets? No. I say that because it feels good to stick up for myself and say enough is enough. I can't control others but i can control how I react, it wasn't easy at first because I have low esteem and I was always more worried about other people's feelings over my own feelings, I found my voice, my personality in this process, it took time, particle and it helped to talk about it here with supportive and non invalidating people.