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I must admit I'm not happy with court. Maybe I'm not happy with me. Xw did do lots of cruel abusive things, lied several times under oath and manuplate the truth. Time for me to reframe? Did I detach? Am I, deep inside angry that she moved on, lives with her BF, created a family unit for my son. Do I have to detach from s10? Let him go? Be happy with what I get. Take this time to look harder at me. Maybe I'm resentful, Xw loves her BF and gave s10 a complete family. I am not living the way God intended us to live. Besides being emotionally abused, I almost died of a brain tumour 3 years ago. I should rejoice in life not live in my mind of the injustice and the what could of beens. I'm fighting a loosing battle fighting my Xw. I have tear my self down and rebuild.

Hey Bus Boy
I haven't really followed your story but sorry to hear you are struggling. 
Are you in divorce court?

Hi bus boy,


It's an instant family. I'm sorry that you had a tough day in court. What did your L say that they  can get for you?

Hi JRB, I was in family court. Xw lied a lot on the stand. Xw L put up the better fight even though it was full of half truths, lies and manuplation.

I have access now but was trying for shared custody. The judge said no way to shared custody and I might loose some of the access I have now. I will know in 3 weeks. I should of been happy with the access I had. I'm angry but I'm cooling down. It bothers me that she has her bf so involved in my son's life like I'm some kind of a deadbeat bar fly.

I can relate with that anger when there's another guy taking your place. 

How does your son feel about you?

My son is getting closer to me. I've always been in his life but his mom had total control over our r/s and it never grew like a father and son should. Xw is allowing the r/s between her bf and my son to flow more naturally. He's been in my son's life for 14 months and has done more random things than me and I have never left his life.

You must be spending quality time with him if he's getting closer? That's good news, did your ex require a lot of attention in your r/s? I know mine did because she's an emotional blackhole, whatever she needs emotionally is never enough unless she gets help for herself and works on her narcisstic injury. She's not my problem anymore, it's her boyfriends problem and I can focus my attention on the kids.

Your is son going to see more of her bf's in the future? It's sad but you're a stable r/s for him. The other bf's can't get in between that.

Don't measure your self worth with your ex and his boyfriend. I know how emotionally hard it is with court when you're up against a pwBPD. My advice is tune out your ex and her boyfriend and focus on your son, always come from the perspective of what he needs in court and leave your feelings about her and her bf out of it. Share your thoughts and feelings here with us. I'm not saying that you're doing this, i'm not an L and can't offer legal advice but it doesn't look good to a judge if you're emotionally attached to the ex. I'm just sharing from experience.

Break a leg in court.

Thanks Mutt. My Xw demanded 100%, 100% of the time, those were her words. She demanded I protect her 100% of the time. Friends of mine who were in r/s's for years told me that there gf never told them they had to protect her. I know I have to protect loved ones but it was so confusing for me. I would think protect her from what? Xw also created a lot of conflict between me and my family. Telling me things, I would ask what's going on and they would not know what I was talking about, it got to the point my family would not talk to her. To this day she harasses and stocks my sister. I could not defend her lies. My sister, a while back had enough and told Xw off and to grow up, Xw called me to see what I was going to do about it. Xw would do wrong, be challenged on it and twist it all back on the person challenging her. Now she has her BF defending her, running to her. I asked Xw why she picked s10 up on my access day and she created a conflict out of it. Her BF came flying home, passed me on the TCH like a mad man, shaking his fist at me, giving me the finger. I can accept another man is in my sons life, I must or go crazy. Xw is creating needless conflict between us. Xw is also amping up her harassment of my sister. Xw BF comes from a small French village, he came from lots of crazy drinking and haywire people. She knows how to manuplate him. Sometimes I feel bad for him sometimes I hope he gets what he deserves. One of these days he is going to question her like I did and that will start the long dark downward spiral to discard.

Your family has known you your whole life, these are people that love you unconditionally. You couldn't defend your ex if it didn't match your values, you're less controllable than her bf. Maybe your ex was testing your commitment by saying that she wants your protection 100% of the time? This current boyfriend has slighted you, the next one won't have direct impact on you, more time behind you is also going to help.

I had different feelings with my ex's boyfriend, I had a lot of anger directed at him, I also felt pity for him too. He made his choice, he didn't have a problem with fooling around with woman with a young family, some people don't have boundaries and will walk into someone else's marriage or r/s and help themselves, he's really needy, he has his own path and he's going on have to figure things out on his own. As bad as my ex is, it was a family for my kids, that's how they view it. Don't feel bad for him, he's an adult that can make his own choices, good or bad, there's going to be repercussions if they're bad choices.

The bigger picture is S10, he's the one that needs protection, not a grown woman. To get back to your main point, you don't have to rebuild yourself because of your ex, you have good qualities that someone will appreciate, maybe tweak some things, but you don't need an overhaul.