BPDFamily.com

Looking for ideas on how to serve papers in safest, yet respectful way possible. My last discussion of divorced ended with wife grabbing me aggressively and screaming and trying to kick down a door after I withdrew, all with our young son sleeping right next door. How did you proceed while still being there for children?  Was private or public better?  In presence of therapist?  I'm rather desperate, she's claimed she will jump off a bridge if I move forward with this.

Do you have a lawyer?  If so, then does he have a process server?  Yes, it may cost but the emotions may be reduced if you're not there and the court will believe the bonded process server over her if she denies service in an attempt to sabotage the case.  As Yoda sayeth, "Strong it is the Denial in that one."

If you feel you should hand it to her then do have a witness with you, first that you served it (she may deny getting it) and second to protect yourself (from allegations) with a reliable witness.

Ten years ago we didn't have all this tech, the phones, recorders, mini cameras, pen cams, etc.  Looking back, I would have loved to have a pen cam.  Video and audio.  And since she might not have noticed, then it wouldn't have triggered her and I would have been able to prove I wasn't the one behaving poorly.

I recall my last months with her in the marital home.  I carried a voice recorder with me since I was terrified she might accuse me of some horrendous misdeed.  Documentation!  Well, really I viewed it as insurance... ."Get Out of Jail" insurance.

I used my lawyer's process server. This was after my ex and I had separated and she had her own place. I didn't have to be anywhere near her.

My original plan (pre-separation) was to serve her the papers in front of our marriage counselor. I didn't trust her to be stable, so I would have prepaid for a hotel room for her, packed a bag with her essentials, and had a friend present to drive her there.