BPDFamily.com

Since the holidays are here... I suppose it's compounding working through the issues of emotionally detaching from ex BPD. I've come to terms, part of this is due to my Foo. My Mom is a narcissist... and thus I never was loved from either parent ( father had strong narcissistic characteristics ) and was an enabler.

I have been a magnet, attracting BPD's and NPD's in the dating world. I should've healed by now... and been over the ex... Yet here it is the holidays, and my ex is happily intwined with a new GF.  These people do serious damage... to others...  :)o we ever really heal from trauma? I've been fighting it my entire life... and still get fooled... These humans need to be locked up... away from society...
illness or not... they have no business posing as people with good intentions.
I have seen it time and again... how they skip off into the sunset... Scott free...  
from damaging others... leaving us with hurt and PTSD...

Hello,

My mother I believe has BPD traits.  And, we tend to attract those that resemble the template we grew up with.  

I'm 19 days into NC from my ex upwBPD.  I was in this relationship with her for a little over a year but it was about 9 months in when the BPD traits started to manifest.  She could only hide her instability for so long.  When I met her everything was perfect in her life, then as I got closer and closer, the ugly truth started to reveal itself.  I always stood my distance with her because something seemed kind of off but could never really pinpoint what it was.  In fact, I had no idea what BPD was until recently.  That, and the fact that my ex mentioned it a few times to me (she would ask me whether I thought she had it).  Bizarre question to ask unless it has been suggested she has it or a diagnosis was presented and she never told me.  At any rate, I am still kind of sad about the separation but I am handling better and better each day.  The holidays aren't a trigger for me luckily and I have found myself vindicated in a way that I am not on an emotional rollercoaster anymore with her.  It's kind of nice to just feel crappy for a particular reason than to feel crappy, happy, crappy, happy on a continuous basis.

As for me, I am doing things a bit differently this time.  I am allowing myself time to heal without introducing any other distractions into my life such as another woman, drugs, alcohol, food or any other potential addictions.  It's allowing me to be comfortable with my emotions and accept them for what they are.  They're not bad, it just means I'm human.

Yes you will always heal from trauma, the problem is that we always want things immediately.  Time and space will allow you to process, reconcile and come to terms that this person really wasn't a healthy addition to your life.  Who cares about his new GF, she will be used, abused and kicked to the curb just like you were.  It's only a matter of time.  I entertained the idea that I have already been replaced but I don't really think about it because it will do me good.  If she is with another person already, he's in for a real treat, if she is not, I can only hope that she takes the time she needs to work on herself.

You're not alone my dear and the Holidays will be fantastic without him.

Yeah... .When you are left behind it seems like how 'easy' they can rebump their life and move on.

the reality is though... .They must move on so fast and sure cause they are NOT capable of what we do:

- working through grief and loss
- owning up to past mistakes
- find ourselfs again through healing
- feel true abandonment (not just the fear)
- grow through pain

They simply HAVE to find a next attraction, cause they lack skills to process a breakup in a 'healthy' way, its a matter of life and death for them.
And through the urgency they go about in finding replacements, they ussually are worse of then before, so they ussually move on fast, but does it really last?

It's ofcourse a poor consellation when we get to spend our first christmas alone or with a family ripped-apart, but therefor i intend to make Christmas twice as big as last year :-)

And it will heal, i spend a long time not believing it would be possible myself. The last month i actually have many moments i am thankfull to have had "the experience", cause i learned so much about myself and for the first time in my life, i truelly befriended myself.

Hi Laurielynn,  

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood. It must of been tough with two parents that are self absorbed. Someone else already stated, healing takes as long as it takes. Do you have plans for the holidays?

I can so relate. I'm having a terrible time as well. She broke up with me on Sept 23 after a 2 year roller coaster and immediately is with someone else. Unfortunately I got drunk and lashed out at her and she got her kids involved so the whole family thinks I'm a villain and she is the poor innocent victim. she will be parading her new toy around for the holidays.

It's awful. I've been breaking down into tears randomly