BPDFamily.com

For years, especially in the last two years, I've had intense depression. I've put it aside as depression. But, now I'm noticing that there's a pattern. A couple of days of happiness and then one day of negative feelings. I'll be hard on myself and I'll lash out at my boyfriend for seemingly no reason. To me, there's a reason. Then he'll explain why there is no reason and I'll understand that I was acting irrationally but the anger gets so real. I villianize people.

I'm so exhausted of being emotional eruptive with my mom. I'm so exhausted of destroying my relationship. Please help with any advice. Is this BPD? How do you fix it? How can I be that person who makes people feel ___ing awesome instead of someone who can be any-type-of-emotion by the time they reach your front door.

Thanks

Hi Yakety Yak

we can all be some kind of emotion, that is normal, we dont need to be a person who strives to make others feel awesome.

The real difference between a disorder and not is whether we project our feelings onto others in an extreme and unreasonable way, or whether we allow then to drive our own lives to the point of dysfunctionality.

Have you ever spoken to any kind of therapist about your concerns?

This forum is really about supporting another person who is suffering from BPD. has your boyfriend or a family member showing signs of BPD?

I am very sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now, but it is great to see you reaching out for help and support - a very brave and scary thing to do!

Many of the posts on this site can be triggering to a BPD sufferer. There are resources of the type you're seeking. Please check out Resources for BPD Sufferers (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/Themes/default/welcome3.html).

I would suggest that you seek some private counselling before jumping to any extreme conclusions

Waverider

Hi Yakety Yak,

I think it's great you recognize this pattern in yourself and that you want to get to the bottom of it! Brilliant.

Please do check out the link that waverider gave you. And don't be too quick to diagnose yourself, we can go far wrong with that too. It's good to ask questions and look for answers in different places. A therapist would be a good place to check in with yourself and see if you can establish what's going with you.

You are brave, as waverider said, I agree :)

hey there & welcome, yakety yak!

what you described sounds like what many others on here have described (when talking about their SO's w/ BPD)

since depression is often woven into BPD, it might be easy to write it off as merely depression. but BPD's have a tendency to take their really really intense and strong emotions and equate that to fact. when in reality, well it just isn't the actual realty. when a family member or partner tries to explain this to someone with BPD, they feel invalidated and judged.

i think noticing patterns is a good first step in trying to figure out exactly what is truly going on inside of you.

what triggers your lashing out? what steps are you taking to identify these patterns when they begin? are you discussing any of this with your boyfriend?