BPDFamily.com

After reading about BPD today I have decided that my wife has BPD. Her action fit this to the T. I'm here to seek any advice I can get about how to handle these intense out bursts.

Welcome.

Manageing outbursts starts with being able to not take things personally, and to be able to listen with empathy. Both are skills you can learn. After that, there is more you can do to make life easier. Start with Validation here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

How long have you been married? Are there kids living with you?

Hi fed2782,

Welcome and hello  :)

In addition to the intense outbursts, what are some of the actions that you are dealing with?

The way she talks to you is likely the way she talks to herself, in her head. It's largely projection of how she feels that others see her, as inadequate, unlovable, deeply flawed. Sometimes, it's a reaction to feeling emptiness and deadness inside -- which stirs fear and that leads to rage toward an external target: you.

It takes strength to not be emotionally injured by someone who suffers with BPD. She probably  has no boundaries and feels out of control a lot of the time, so the task of providing boundaries (to protect yourself) falls to you. If she is able to weaken you, it only reinforces in her mind that she is bad, and people with BPD tend to feel bad about feeling bad, an endless cycle. When you protect yourself, it helps her regulate to a degree, even if she expresses anger at the boundary, if that makes sense.

A lot of the relationship skills needed in a BPD relationship are not intuitive. We are here to walk with you as you learn and regain your strength. 

LnL

I'm trying to figure out how to post... Married 18 years with 3 kids 2 step sons 33 and 34 now... and a 16 yr old. I hope this goes out I'll keep poking around on the site for instructions.

Your posts are going out  :) We can see them.