BPDFamily.com

I am new here.  My 14yo daughter is in outpatient DBT individual and group, and I go to the parent group.  My ex has ruined his relationship with her but refuses to see his part in all of it.  He sees her as the trouble and the only cause of their deteriorated relationship.   She just wants to be daddy's little girl.  It makes me so sad, and I feel so guilty that I chose such a terrible husband to begin with.  Many therapists have tried to engage with him and all agree that he is incapable of having a healthy relationship with her right now.  When my daughter was 11, she put herself in a dangerous situation which resulted in rape by a 28 year old stranger.  To this day, he is out on bail.  The court systems is so backed up he still hasn't gone to trial.  There is DNA evidence and she was found with him in his car.  There is no doubt that he is guilty.  The fact that he has walked around for 4 years after raping my daughter is inexcusable.  She lives in fear that he will come around.  She has suffered other abuses - physical, sexual, emotional - over the years.  I have put so many boundaries up in her life that she is just angry all the time.  She is almost 15 and doesn't have a cell phone or computer and goes to an extremely small school with one-on-one education.  She uses my phone and has a tablet.  Every time I try to trust her with something, she abuses it.  She immediately goes to inappropriate websites or messages unhealthy people.  Meds and sharps are locked up.  When she is really mad at me she tries to hurt herself.  We've been to the hospital twice this month.  I know she really needs to go to long term care, but I really want it to be the right fit.  I have seen failed treatment centers cause more harm than good.  If anyone has had good experiences with long term placements, I would love to know specifics.  It breaks my heart to send her far away, but feel that I don't have a choice at this time.

Hello Snowcat 84, welcome to the BPD fam.

I am sorry to hear your family has been thru so much!

I do not have experience w/sexual assault, but know it is definitely a trauma that needs specialized care in healing. 

There are many treatment centers some good some not so much.  You have to do your due diligence, visit etc.  Are you in the US?  My D16 just completed an 8 month residential program and it helped her tremendously.  If you're in the US, do you have a CMO (care manager)?  We have one and she was able to guide us / arrange residential visits, etc.  We are in NJ and this placement was no cost to us. 

Please hang in there and no you have lots of support @ BPD fam.

Bright Day Mom