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Title: Relationship strife w/former Wife who's got BPD / bipolar - Father in law too Post by: David C. on November 29, 2016, 04:51:51 PM Hi. My ex-wife has all the BPD behaviors and is bipolar.
She was physically abusive to me and our son and also to her step-son(only my son). She has a 10+ history of illegal harassment, lying to police, assault etc... .and I've yet to see any prosecutor file charges against her, yet every police officer has seen her mental and harassing behavior with court level evidence. She decide to sue me for full custody after I would not agree with her demand. I've read several books by Bill Eddy JD LMSW and stop walking on eggshells. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thalights? Prayers? Thanks, Dave Title: Re: Relationship strife w/former Wife who's got BPD / bipolar - Father in law too Post by: ForeverDad on November 30, 2016, 08:38:55 AM The sense of entitlement exhibited and demanded by so many with BPD is simply astounding. Probably you had been complying and appeasing so she expects you to crumble and retreat. Well, those days are over.
So do not be surprised by her extreme claims or demands. That's par for the course. Since BPD perceptions are typically at the extremes (all or nothing, "I win or you lose" extreme claims are to be expected. My Ex tried to get sole custody, after all, she had temp custody and majority time in the temp order. She even made numerous allegations to CPS, sheriff's office, hospitals, etc trying to get declarations that I was as bad as she claimed I was. Never worked. They let her do it, claim after claim, investigation after investigation, and every time she failed they just ignored them. But at the end of our two year divorce I walked out with more or less what the Custody Evaluator recommended... .Shared Parenting, equal time and residential parent. Of course it failed and so I went back for custody and majority time. The GAL recommended that I only get custody, equal time remained. Still didn't work, so I went back yet again for majority time. At last the GAL agreed it was necessary but majority time was only granted for the school year. Though it spanned some 8 years, I went from a typical "dad gets alternate weekends" to sole custody and majority time. Is the divorce over? What is the current order regarding custody and parenting schedule? If your current order is shared parenting, as most are, it will be difficult for her to change it to full custody, courts are generally quite reluctant to make such changes unless there us 'substantive' basis to do so. Substantive what? Substantive child abuse, child endangerment or child neglect. Title: Re: Relationship strife w/former Wife who's got BPD / bipolar - Father in law too Post by: David C. on December 01, 2016, 04:55:08 PM Hello Forever Dad,
I appreciate your response. A lot. I wondered if other dads had the same or similar experiences. Your experience is extremely similar to my experiences with my ex. You put it well, the sense of entitlement is amazing. Seems delusional to me, or near delusions. We've been kicked out of our a doctor's practice, forever, due to her. We've been threatened to be kicked out numerous times since, and this year. She refuses to follow doctor's suggestions, etc... .She "knows more" than everyone else. I endured a couple of years of her disorders, physical abuse, false statements to authorities, while under the same roof. I left her, and left with our son about 7 years ago. Currently, the court order is shared time, shared custody. Doesn't work, not at all. At least not well for our kiddo. But also not for me. Any tips on : 1. the lawsuit she filed with her near extreme claims, with her seeking full custody(baseless claims of course), 2. emotional health (improving it) 3. how to accurately convince others of her disorders ? Thank you. ~~~~ The sense of entitlement exhibited and demanded by so many with BPD is simply astounding. Probably you had been complying and appeasing so she expects you to crumble and retreat. Well, those days are over. So do not be surprised by her extreme claims or demands. That's par for the course. Since BPD perceptions are typically at the extremes (all or nothing, "I win or you lose" extreme claims are to be expected. My Ex tried to get sole custody, after all, she had temp custody and majority time in the temp order. She even made numerous allegations to CPS, sheriff's office, hospitals, etc trying to get declarations that I was as bad as she claimed I was. Never worked. They let her do it, claim after claim, investigation after investigation, and every time she failed they just ignored them. But at the end of our two year divorce I walked out with more or less what the Custody Evaluator recommended... .Shared Parenting, equal time and residential parent. Of course it failed and so I went back for custody and majority time. The GAL recommended that I only get custody, equal time remained. Still didn't work, so I went back yet again for majority time. At last the GAL agreed it was necessary but majority time was only granted for the school year. Though it spanned some 8 years, I went from a typical "dad gets alternate weekends" to sole custody and majority time. Is the divorce over? What is the current order regarding custody and parenting schedule? If your current order is shared parenting, as most are, it will be difficult for her to change it to full custody, courts are generally quite reluctant to make such changes unless there us 'substantive' basis to do so. Substantive what? Substantive child abuse, child endangerment or child neglect. Title: Re: Relationship strife w/former Wife who's got BPD / bipolar - Father in law too Post by: ForeverDad on December 01, 2016, 07:44:02 PM Lost the pediatrician, yes. Not only did the pediatrician "withdraw services", so did one of the daycares! And we all know how schools seldom want to get involved in custody disputes, right? Well, once I became Residential Parent (in my area the child attends school in the RP's area) I asked her school to let son finish out kindergarten there since there was only a couple months left. Well, his mother resumed conflicts at her school and I was given one day to register him in my own area. They were perfectly willing to suffer with her if she was the parental contact. Once it became me they were free to dump her like a hot potato. And they did.
I decided it was time to make a motion to end Shared Parenting and seek custody. Besides the continuing conflict, we have (1) lost pediatrician, pre-decree but still history, (2) lost his kindergarten school, (3) nearly lost a day care, I withdrew him but not before the director filed and then withdrew a stalking protection order, (4) lost a day care, she had an encounter and I was given notice that they would withdraw their services at the end of the week, and (5) she has not paid any shared child expenses such as summer camp, school fees and school lunches. |