BPDFamily.com

Before meeting my BPDex, I was always a depressive individual, and I've struggled with my life direction and substance abuse for many years. However, I never felt so void of self and identity as I did after the breakup. The confusion might be the most agonizing element for me. I dated a woman for 15 months who just completely lied to my face about the past, present, and future, and I bit. Big time. I'm all messed up though I do feel progress setting in. How did some of you all take your life back? Right now, I am floating. Every day feels monotonous and it's almost as though I'm viewing myself from a third person. Hopeless. But I'm trying.

Hi seeperplexed,

I've felt what you are feeling, and it's extremely difficult to understand except for those who've experienced it. It's a long process, but you have to want to help yourself get better and move on.
Ultimately you want to get to a point of acceptance, and learn from the experience.

I think its important to stay busy.  There are great resources on these boards that help immensely.  Keep in contact with friends and family.  Get help from a Therapist to help sort out your thinking.  It does get better if you take the right actions.

I can relate. It's been 2 mos no contact and she immediately started seeing my replacement even after repeatedly telling me she wouldn't be dating anytime soon because no one would ever compare to me. Nothing but lies. I'm really struggling with the lack of humanity and compassion. I'm barely functioning at this point and it's really hard to get out of bed in the morning but somehow I'm making it to work and I wasn't for a while

Precisely the same for me, with slight difference. There was a huge overlap between my replacement and me and it's possible she was cheating with him for upwards of 5 months. I always suspected it but my trusting nature overcame me. Turns out my gut was right and she was with him the minute I went out of the picture despite her saying she would need time to grieve our relationship... .yeah... .right... .

I feel like I'm not going to recover from this. I've never felt this way before

Hi seeperplexed,

It really is a matter of time. Time will get you through this and time will eventually heal you. It is a tough road ahead but really you have no other option but to face it. I know the pain you are going through. It’s been about 14 months for me and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still think about my uBPDex but not as much. Please go see A Therapist that can help you.

Also, try to stay really busy and connect with family, friends, make new friends, and dedicate yourself more to your work. Stay as active and busy as possible to help you heal.

Stay Strong.

Hi seeperplexed,

I understand the confusion. I think that it takes time to analyze all of the incidents and periods that were always confusing with how our exes altered reality only to alter it again. I created threads and shared those moments with others and with the help of others was able to make sense of my eBPDw's dissociations.

I think that our minds act like a computer, if you have a question your mind searches for files like a computer and will return something that it thinks is right. I think that it keeps doing that until we find something that makes sense. It takes time to sort through all of this. Create threads and take the advice that suits your situation, I would grab bits from here and there from everybody and compiled into something that made sense  :light: It helped when I was sharing with people that knew what I was talking about. I couldn't find in real life, I found that in this forum.

When we continually try to make sense of the senseless and rationalize the irrational we end up loosing touch with reality and loosing ourselves, add to that continually putting our partners heart and feelings ahead of our own and we end up becoming broken down empty shells of our former selves.

We get our lives back by learning about the disorder and our part in it so we can make sense of things. Take it one day at a time, accept that recovery isn't linear, don't try and force yourself to get better. Many have found that after a while you just think about your ex. less and about you more; there is no significant moment, it just happens in time.