BPDFamily.com

Recently I have really pushed myself to establish better boundaries in my marriage. This has been a challenge in past years, especially around the holidays and family events. The more structure I enforce the better her behaviour lately. I enjoyed a very chaos free holiday and planning on seeing exiled family at Christmas. I seem to know her responses before they happen and validated her wishes to stay home by herself, if she so desired. Today she bought a gift for my "blacklisted" aunt, to give to her at the Christmas party. I really love the power exchange happening here. Is this manipulation or just good boundary setting? I had a screaming co-worker cuss me out for some trivial issue. I also validated his feelings and made it clear I understood his frustration. Eventually, this guy broke down in tears and told all the things going on with his life. I now have a new friend as a result of using simple communication tools.

It would depend on the who that person is and the person's intent, you are right. Sometimes it can be a combination of both, I think, just depending on the context.

You can still be 'manipulated' and feel good as a result of being manipulated. For example if it was coming from a typical charming sociopath for instance, we know they only do nice things because they have ulterior motives or strings attached in doing those nice things for you.

When I think of the word manipulation I think of negative connotations such as methods involving someone only caring about getting their needs met above others.

When I think about communication tools and boundary settings I think of postivie methods of diffusing difficult situations or used in benefit and consideration of others needs and for the improvement of self and others.

Manipulation has a bad connotation, yet we all do it to an extent. Some experts refer to manipulation as operating or managing things in a skillful way.

It sounds like you were skillful in these situations, and people felt heard and validated. There was no malice intended, so it doesn't seem manipulative in the negative sense of the word.

What do you mean about the power exchange?

Nice reply. Both describe the same result, where the ends justify the means. I am seeking to balance the relationship, not exploit it. This new found leverage seems odd and makes me feel manipulative in some ways.