BPDFamily.com

My wife is currently on the path to super stardom on her job. They take her to Europe, put her up in five star hotels. She doesn't pay a penny for anything. The clients love her.

One time I asked her CEO, who was at that time a friend to me (before she showed him a restraining order with false accusations), I asked him if he could please help and support her because she needed to really work on some childhood issues. At the time I was trying to get her into DBT which required a 6 month, $5k commitment. I didn't go into detail or name her disorder. I just asked for his help. He said of course.

Now this same CEO refers to me as a piece of $hit, tells he she needs to stay away from met and so on. She doesn't wear her wedding ring. Won't take calls or accept rides from me when any of her colleagues are around. For the first year of that job, everyone at that company loved me. We were all friends. Now, I'm a pariah.

According to my wife, I am the only problem in her life. Everything else is going well. So I asked my therapist about this and he said that the disorder only affects the intimate relationships. I had never heard of "invisible" Borderline before reading Walking on Eggshells. My previous wife was a low bottom BPD who had a lot of hospitalizations, etc. My current wife is very high functioning, except with me. It's hard for me to make sense of this or not to believe that I'm crazy. My support system tells me I'm not crazy. No one has every diagnosed me with anything like this. But my mother was probably BPD and I'm sure that I have traits.

My therapist says that her ambivalence and her internal distress are manifesting in me. So the BPD can't feel their feelings, so they set us up to feel them?

I need help trying to understand this. She comes back from Europe on Sunday. I want things to go well. She seems to be calmer, and softer than she has been. So I'm feeling like there may be a chance. I grabbed my computer and a few more clothes from my backup place last night. It feels good to set the apartment up a little better. I wanted to have it clean and cozy for when she comes home to me and the dogs.

But I need some perspective here. I'm not looking to be told what to do, but please share your experience and knowledge. Saying things like, "You need to get out," aren't helpful for me. I love my wife and I want to be there for her. Eight to ten percent of BPDs commit suicide. She's very talented but according to the video needs someone there to validate her existence so she's not ambivalent.

Help me understand.

No one should be telling you to run. That's not their place to say! We are here to respect and support your choices.

That being said, listening with empathy and validating are very good tools to help keep things from escalating. There are some quick lessons in the sidebar to the right.