BPDFamily.com

I've read many posts and lots of articles about npd/BPD. I get very stumped on the idealization stage, I feel this could be one of my biggest issues that stalls my detachment/ recovery from my npd/BPD r/s. Xw never never told me I was her soul mate, never even said she loved me, never told horror stories of her life, family or past r/s's in fact she told me how good past bf's treated her, told me how horrible I was, how good her family was, how horrible my family was, for the most part she poured belittling and hate on me. In the beginning she was nice but no love bombing, I actually saw red flags. One day out of the blue she stopped talking to me, I asked what was wrong and she said if you don't know what you did there's no sense in telling you. I was baffled and something told me to end it but I didn't. I told her I loved her and how happy I was I would not be alone, would be with the woman I love. Many times she threw that back at me, threatening many times to leave. The devalue and discarded I can clearly relate to in every post or article I read but the idealization love bomb stage, I haven't read that story that I can relate to. The only theory I have I I was her first serious r/s and she cut her teeth on me, knew how to devalue but not idealize. I can clearly look back and see how often she tested me early on. Always being tested.

BusBoy - I completely relate to this.  I replayed the first 3 years of my relationship and saw no more than the typical "in-love" interactions between her and I. 

What I have come to believe now is that she did not idealize me, but did idealize the idea of marriage, children and white picket fences.  I was the object of that idealization, but not personally idealized. 

Also, I can now retrospectively see times when she idealized parts of me.  For example, when I was struggling with some deep childhood wounding and going through intense therapy, she sent me a card of a little boy wearing a cape.  I was deeply moved by this card and was also confused as she would say such nasty things about who I am that I could not balance the two messages.  I think this was an idealization of the man she wanted me to be.

Any of that resonate?

Thank you Joeramabeme, it helps me clear up some lingering issues I have with the recovery from a r/s with a personality disordered person. I struggle with the fact this is a mental illness and they must project there pain to loved ones.