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My BPD x told me she only eats pizza with her family after she had told me she had been raped. Yet she has a picture of her and her new boyfriend eating pizza together.  Can someone make sense of this statement.

Also do people with BPD have this crazy drugged out look to them?

BPDs are very "about how they feel". I can understand if she had pizza with a guy who then raped her, she would associate pizza with that feeling of being raped. But, if she was feeling secure and pizza was there, she may not get that rape-pizza feeling. Feelings can be very fleeting, or very powerful.

I treat most things a BPD says like this as a statement of how they feel at that exact moment in time, which may or not be actually how they "really feel", and is subject to change whenever they want!

That makes 100% sense and also makes little to no sense.

So if BPD live of off feelings for that exact moment that how can they be treated as normal citizens? It sounds like it is physically impossible for them to lie because there feelings are always right no matter how many Galaxy their reality is away.

Hi statsattack-


It depends what you mean by "normal".  Something like 28% of the population has a diagnosable mental illness or exhibits traits thereof at any given time, and we've all had days where we're in a "bad mood" and days where we've been in a "good mood" and that can shape our entire day yes?  So it's a matter of degree, with some borderlines just being on the extreme end.


You're right, but right to whom?  BPD is a shame-based disorder, so accepting responsibility for their behavior or admitting fault or deficiency could trigger great shame, so borderlines have developed strong psychological tools to not feel that.  And again it's a matter of degree, we all shape our reality with beliefs to allow us to make sense of the world and carry on, it's just more extreme for folks with more extreme emotions to contend with.

So how are you doing statsattack?  It must not feel good seeing her with a new boyfriend doing something that was off limits and triggering when you were together; how are you processing that and using it towards your detachment?

Feels like I got stabbed in the stomach with a knife. I would be happy for her if she didn't paint me like oj to get this happiness. She reeks of BPD and getting away with it which pisses me off

She also looks high as a kite

Yes and no! Their feelings are TRUE - in that do actually feel what they say.
Perhaps the REASON they say they feel that way is not true. Perhaps 99% of other people wouldn't feel that way in that situation. But what they FEEL is real/true.

That is why VALIDATION is important. You can empathise with their FEELINGs, and pretty much ignore the "trigger" - ignore WHY they say they feel that way, and just focus on what they actually do feel.

And this is what is "broken" in a BPD - a non-BPD can alter what they feel by using facts. A BPD cannot - they feel first, then pick/choose the "facts" to match what they feel.

Anger is a normal part of detachment stats.  It will pass.  The best thing you can do for you is take care of yourself very well and find healthy ways to burn up the energy, and whatever you do, don't do anything that will make things worse or that you'll regret later.  And while you're at it, start thinking a little about your bright future without her, which will happen eventually, and it's helpful to start creating that vision now, so you have something to aim for when you get stuck in emotional muck; knowing where you're going makes the journey a little easier.

Would an example of a BPD statement be Johnny Cochran comparing mark furman to hitler because he used the n word?

My life is coming back slowly but a lot of it was taken away. Frustrating that no one was willing to listen and separate me from her triggers

It is not possible for ANYONE who hasn't been through a BPD relationship to ever fathom it, they simply cannot understand what it does to us.
Keep reading and posting, continue learning about this awful disorder. You are among friends here who understand.