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Xw is high functioning, very cunning. A good friend of mine is very good friends with xw's BF. They grew up together, went all through school together. He told me Xw BF was very gullible. The kind of person she can manuplate. I bring this up on this board Bc Xw gives her BF so much freedom with s10 and only for fighting for the past 8 years in Family court I would have nothing. I know mothers who are separated and make it very clear when dating that they are not looking for a father for there children. Xw BF was moved in to her house in the blink of an eye and he is getting involved in things he knows nothing about he is even following me and doing childish things. My friend wants to talk to him but I don't think that's a good idea.

That's tricky!  If it weren't for your son, I would say leave it alone!  But, you have a son who is still young.  Her new BF needs to know the score because of the BPD's tendency to get someone to help bully the children. That is, target and get someone near and dear to agree with their viewpoint. (Gang up on the child.)
  The problem is this:  he is unlikely to listen right now.  My ex convinced his gullible brother to believe all kinds of things about me... .and about his own daughter.  Eventually, my ex turned his actions against his brother, and immediately things became clear to his brother.  That would not have happened if my daughter had not already told him about her father's actions.

Xw is a great deceiver. She's been with BF for a year and 1/2. He is not long divorced, lost everything, i think an easy target for Xw. Xw is very sexual and knows how to use it. He witnessed Xw do things than lie about those things in family court under oath 2 weeks ago. I was on to her, saw her mask slip and still was fooled. I don't think talking to BF will help.

When in doubt, go with your gut.

My DH's uBPDex is also a great manipulator. She didn't have kids with her first husband but when my DH and his ex got together the first husband tried to warn DH and DH told him to leave them alone because obviously the ex husband"just couldn't stand it that they were happy". (He rolls his eyes now when he thinks about how neive he was.) DH had two kids with his BPDex and after they divorced she got together with a boyfriend who was manipulated into thinking DH was always being mean and unfair with his BPDex. Unfortunately, as Sad But Wiser said, he was also manipulated into seeing the kids the same way the BPD saw the kids. So there was another adult in the house always confirming that the "all bad" child was simply a bad kid instead of a victim and emotional punching bag for the BPD. She was with that boyfriend four years and had one child with him.

Now she is with a new boyfriend for the last year and a half and they just had a child. She has convinced the new boyfriend that her last boyfriend is a total piece of garbage and that DH is mean and unfair to her and this new boyfriend aligns with her against the old boyfriend's child since DH's two now live with us and are untouchable. New boyfriend is buying everything coming out of her mouth. He also seems to believe that sticking up for her and lying for her is a good way to prove to her just how fiercely and passionately he loves her. Because a BPD partner needs constant proof of devotion to feel secure.

The old boyfriend asked DH why he never warned him. DH replied, ":)o you really think you would have listened" The old boyfriend admitted that he would not have.

Xw needs to know you are devoted to her. I can look back and see how many times I was tested. Xw would give my sister the finger, keep doing it until my sister would tell Xw to grow up, stop acting like a child, Xw would than call me and say my sister told her to grow up, what are you going to do about it? I would know what Xw was up to and do nothing, Xw would get abusive to me and say I don't know how to protect her. Xw had her BF jumping through hoops. Xw wife is obsessed with being protected, I think it makes her feel good to cause a conflict. Xw would rather conflict, threatening with violence more so than peaceful solution. Xw is harassing my sister again and her children, her husband has a very short fuse and had told Xw more than once to stop the harassing, Xw BF will fight at the drop of a hat and is fiercely protective of her so I can see where this is going. She all ready done it to me.