BPDFamily.com

Hello, I am a male, college student. Here is my story/ experience with BPD.

Exactly a year ago I started dating a guy a decade older than me (Never thought I would date a dude but it happened).
At first it was all too good to be true: Really nice person, thoughtful, nurturing, made me laugh like nobody. Within two months he became distant for two weeks came back later saying that he needed space to deal with his depression. I was very empathetic since I've had my struggles with depression myself. After he came back he apologized claiming: "it had nothing to do with me". A couple of weeks later he sat me down and said: I'm in love with you" I shared the same feelings but was scared to be rejected. I came out to my family as bi which was a big deal. He promised he had my back ( I needed the support), Introduced him to my friends as my boyfriend.  Within the next couple of months after breaking up with me twice only to come back in a manner of days, he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II (To me his behaviour fits the profile of Borderline due to his fear of being alone). He broke up with me a last time with a Facebook message saying that he was not in a place to feel "behold" to anyone since he needed to focus on his recovery and needed me out of his life. I was heartbroken but I understood. Until a month later I find out he had a new Boyfriend (only lasted two months). I was beyond furious, felt betrayed, made me question if he actually ever loved me or even cared about me . It was a feeling that killed me while still breathing. At the same time I was still coming to terms with my sexuality. So it was an awful time in my life. After I found out about his new BF. I did something that today I consider it a little immature and dramatic from my part, but I don't regret it cause I had the right to be mad. I had purchased a book written for people who have a Bipolar SO, to educate myself on his condition. I put the book in an envelope (mailed it to his house) with a torn picture of us and a letter saying that I know that he lied to me and that the book will be useful for whoever was naive enough to fall for his lies. He drove to my house and ripped off each page of the book and threw it on my front door and drove off. That was the moment when I said "Its enough, I want nothing to do with him". Shortly after that I was so overwhelmed with everything that had happened in just 9 months. I took a leave of absence from school (Since I was not able to focus) moved back home for awhile. Its been three months and I can say that my time away has helped me heal in a way I would of not been able to do had I'd stayed. I could say that I care about him, wish him well in life. But at the same time I hope I never have to see him again. Maybe he didn't hurt me deliberately but he did, in a way nobody in my 25 years on this earth has. I was nothing but supportive, being there for him. I'm not a saint myself. I know I'm human and have flaws.

I know my story was long. What I have been doing all these months since I'm a Screenwriter and I'm doing research to write a screenplay the emphasis on the person who is dating/ married to a BPD. How do they cope? How long can they put up with it? Whether if its a young or mature couple. Please share your thoughts on my story and you own stories too, since it will help with my research. I figured that its better to use this horrible chapter of my life into something positive. Who knows? it might even help others going through the same situation.

Thank you.
God bless.

Hello  Life as Iknewit,

*welcome*

First,  I want to say that using your gifts to want to elevate awareness is a good healing approach for you,  and it can help others. 

BP and BPD can often be hard to distinguish for clinicians,  and they can also both be valid diagnoses in the same individual. 

What do you see in retrospect that precipitated the initial break ups?

Turkish