|
Title: Drowning. Post by: SnowCat99 on December 08, 2016, 03:00:13 PM Dying. After 5 yrs of optimism, therapy, couple therapy the whole 9 yards, I am feeling deflated and broken. Last week was the highlight of his anger and abuse. Criticizing my past sex life, calling me a whore, writing an entire sex fueled fantasy that he is sure Ive done and LOVED it. It was disgusting, scary and dripping with rage and anger toward me. Why? because I forgot about 2 $2 t-shirts he bought for my kids. Or was it he felt slighted that he didn't feel like I showcased him enough on my Facebook page. I don't know what to do anymore. We had a HUGE fight over the weekend. I basically told him I wanted him out of the house and out of my life. But then he came back and talked so normal and lucid that I don't even know what to do about this anymore. I am feeling like a crazy person.
He says he loves me, understands that what he wrote was awful and that he was just mad and angry and hurt and wanted me to feel the same way. I told him I was scared of him. Scared that this abuse and pattern of abuse would continue and I cannot live this way. Last night I realized he took and hid the knives that he gave me for my bday last month- because he was pissed I was throwing him out of the house. Im afraid of our future and my own mental health. I see my therapist on my own and she doesn't really understand why I would want to stay. I don't know what I am saying I just need a little support and I am so happy to find this group and look forward to learning to cope or learning to spread my wings and fly. Title: Re: Drowning. Post by: Hisaccount on December 08, 2016, 04:00:37 PM You have to look out for you and your kids. The therapist is a 3rd party like we are.
I am not saying go, or stay. You have to decide, but why do you feel you need to stay? This is not healthy, if you can detach, and detaching doesn't mean leaving, but if you can detach and you are not physically threatened then there is a chance you can stay. If you cannot detach he will drag you down far below him. When he is at his deepest and darkest you will feel worse than that. You will stop functioning. Seek the help now, find the tools to help you. Then decided if he is worth it or not. I found out way too late and now I am paying the consequences for it. Title: Re: Drowning. Post by: livednlearned on December 08, 2016, 04:33:27 PM Hi SnoCat99,
I'm sorry for what brings you here, and glad you found the site. Is your husband diagnosed BPD? What kind of therapy is he getting? Was he ok for a while and then had this stretch of abusive behavior? We're here to walk with you. These are hard relationships and it's good to have a buddy system :) LnL |