BPDFamily.com

our 22 year old daughter just came out of a two month residential treatment facility, and was tested comprehensively during her stay. So now after a little over a decade of symptoms, we now know we're working with BPD.

Over the years she never liked change, seemed addicted to drama, and ends up in treatment for going off her meds. Well now that we know what we're dealing with, we have a great team in place and a very robust plan. But here's the thing.

I've been helping to organize her meds since her latest release which are six times a day with sixteen pills. She is actually allowing me to do this which is great because we're using the mango app which not only is a reminder but tracks how many doses are left of each medication and gives warnings.

In the past, she would run out of meds, not tell anyone, text her doctor to get more at the last second on a weekend... .but after a few weeks of monitoring I'm noticing something.

when it's time to take her meds she's just too busy and will do it later. too busy meaning facebook etc.

I don't want to fight with her, but I want to set limits... .she missed an antipsychotic med last night because it makes her sleepy (she uses it as a sleep aid) and doesn't want to take it if she wants to stay up... .but she fell asleep. but I'm not seeing self punishment behavior as much as I'm seeing a forgetful too much trouble to bother behavior.

so am i doing too much by helping with her meds? it takes about a half hour to get the boxes filled for the week and it's easy to get mixed up and she's done that when she tried herself. But at the same time, her not taking meds is a trigger for us as parents... .when is it enabling and when is it helping and how do we put our foot down without the fight?

That's a hard one.

Does your daughter live with you?

Can you set up a schedule where you wean her off your help? Eventually, she will need to be solely in charge of her care (I know that's a big ledge... .).

With my son, I ask questions so that it is a respectful gesture (sometimes he wants help, other times he is insulted by it). "I'm getting things ready for the week. Would you like to put your medications together with me or do you want to do it on your own?"

I try to involve him in whatever I do so that when he goes to college, he has this stuff down to a habit. It is hard for me (because: codependency) to not just do it for him. And when I give him a choice, I try to make sure both options work for me.

It's hard to let go  

Yes, live with her.

I don't have a problem working on putting together her meds for the week, all that's cool. it's just when she can't be bothered to take them because she's "busy and will do it later" and she says she doesn't have to take them right when she's supposed to. And the thing is that shes the type of person with 1323 unread emails on her phone so the medication app reminder doesn't motivate her.

so I get angry because there was all this talk of self punishment, though now that I'm involved and can see it for myself it's hard to not feel resentful when it feels (and I know this is my perspective and feeling) as though she can't be bothered.

thanks for the insight!