|
Title: Good Marriage Article Post by: ArleighBurke on December 13, 2016, 04:33:58 PM I saw this article about the 13 things you need in a good marrriage. It's not about BPD, but it's still a good read.
https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice I tried to count how many of these things I do and/or agree to, versus how many my BPD wife would do and/or agree to. I think I do/agree to 11 of the 13 (unfortunately I don't think I respect her any more and I don't talk openly with her). My estimation is that my wife does perhaps 5 at best... . Now i feel sad again. Title: Re: Good Marriage Article Post by: Jessica84 on December 13, 2016, 10:23:19 PM I stopped reading "normal" relationship advice a long time ago. Some of it was useful, but some of it was actually harmful to a BPD relationship.
Example: Cosmo might tell us women to "make him miss you". I get the concept in general, but this doesn't take into account fears of abandonment, object constancy, etc. I looked at the article. Good stuff. Then I halted on #5 (A Healthy Relationship Means Two Healthy Individuals). Bam, and there it is. Or #8 (Get Good at Fighting) - YIKES! Good tips, but tools like SET and DEARMAN work better. I try to stick to BPD-specific reading, and track my r/s progress accordingly. Set to any other standards I'd feel like a total failure and disappointed. |