BPDFamily.com

Hi,

So I'm having a very icky feeling today.  I know this guy at work who had an affair on his wife.  He is a very flirty type and a lot older. My friend thinks it's with this one person, but I'm starting to wonder if it's not with my ex... .

I'm not sure if he had the affair with someone at work, but he brought up my exes name today and looked at me and said "Oh, She got a new tattoo!". How does he even know her, when have they ever even interacted.  My stomach hurts thinking about it... .

Lately I've been seeing her mingle with so many different people she never used to do that and I always wonder if she has slept with them.  She told me she sleeps with people because it causes happiness, and I'm left to wonder with who? I kind of wish I knew who they all were so I could think less of her.  

Does anyone know a good way to help me cope with these thoughts about wondering who she's sleeping with?

There are two things i would suggest:

A. That she sleeps with anyone else has NOTHING to do with you: you didn't cause it, and it's not because you are "not worthy". Don't let it eat out your self-esteem

B. Sleeping around with lots of guys in this case is a sign that it really doesn't mean that much to her, she wants sex, attention and intimacy, but only to a point where she doesn't have to run the risk of becoming deeply attached. It is only her form of self-soothing if you look at it that way. A temporary feel-good band-aid.

 

Hi brunerin,

I know what you're going through with a BPDex at work. I work in a place with lots of men, so thank God I don't have to deal with the stuff you're dealing with. Try focussing on uou. It's what woundedPhoenix said: it has NOTHING to do with you. I used to wonder a lot about what he's doing and with whom. Rather obsessifly in the beginning. That's why I decided LC. NC is not an option because of work, but I'm distancing myself from him and in interacting with him. Even with people who are interacting with him. I try to focus on work and myself.

I know it's hard... .I find myself struggling today too... .He's taking the project we're working on as a way of communicating with me, also besides work stuff. I come in his office with work things and he's sitting there with this smirk on his face. This smile, almost amused... .Shwoing up on my coffebreak and now he even sent me a text about a comment I made... .And then I find myself falling again... .

But we will get up. you're strong! Hang in there!