BPDFamily.com

My divorce has not yet been finalized, and my wife has imbedded hereself  at our son's pre-school and plans to at his kindergarten next fall. She has done everything in her power as room parent and  part time teacher to  destroy my reputation and character with the teachers and parents at his current preschool; they do not know her history or that she has BPD. The agreement has a very strict non disparagement clause to protect me. Do I need to inform his current school?  What about the next school he attends?  Would that be slanderous, libelous and/or disparagement?  I know she won't abide by it so how do I enforce it in a way that stops her behavior?

Is she actually on Staff?

Though I get along with my ex,  the school asked for the custody stipulation to have on file. I figured it was standard protocol.  I was more than happy to provide it. 

She is not an actual teacher (she has always been dependent on me or her mother because she can't function on her own) nor been able to hold a job for long. She works at the pre-school as a teachers assistant with the 6 mo to 1.5 yo class; she is paid $150 to help out from 9 am to 1 pm two to three times a week. She has always helped with fundraisiers and been involved, so they didn't conduct a background check or go through a formal hiring process.  As it turns out,  that the real reason that she has gotten so close is to manipulate the other teachers into feeling sorry for her and become her "allies" by telling them all kinds of fictitious and horrible things about me in order to try to control and manipulate me, which hasn't worked.
 The reality is that with her history of violence, abuse, drinking, drugging, prostitution, serial porn shoots and cheating, and putting our son in harms way, she has put the school, its director, and the teachers in a position that could open them up to major liability and law suits.  The school would be ruined if the parents found out.  She plans on continuing to do this at his kindergarten or so she says. So, can I and should I tell the school and future schools that he attends?

I'd question any school or organization which allows adults to interact with minors without conducting background checks.  I had to get finger printed and an FBI background check done when I did volunteer (unpaid) at-risk youth mentoring for a private organization.

If this is a public school system,  it sounds highly suspect.  If your son is going into the public school system next year,  I'd use the system by trusting the system.  You can ask legitimate questions ahead of time,  "you conduct background checks on all employees,  right?" And just give them the custody order.  Has his mother actually been convicted of anything that would show up on a background check? Alerting the school ahead of time about only things you know may not go well for you, as you're experiencing this year.  They just see her how she is at the moment.  They wouldn't likely believe you without proof. 

The school is a small private school that operates in a church; no background check was done. The custody agreement is within the body of he settlement agreement as is the non-disparagement clause. In regards to convictions, they are from 10 + years ago.  However, I've got tons of proof; I have a 1.5 GB flash drive, my attorney has a copy of it to, and a P.I. Report that substantiate everything. This has already cost a fortune, and it will cost 2 to 3 times more to take it to court and get a GAL, experts, witnesses, etc.  I'm damn near broke. Will I have to give the school the entire agreement?  How will it affect her if she gets involved with the school without technically being hired?  Can I use the system to help enforce the agreement in order to protect me and my son?

I run in Evangelical circles,  and the lack of protections in place is concerning. 

If your son is going into the K-12 system next year,  I'd just offer the court order as is,  no need to explain.  I'm in California,  btw.

I see here that you're upset about the facade that she's showing and the school is believing. I'd also be angry at this.  However,  if your son (and secondarily other children), isn't in danger from her being a TA or unpaid room parent, then take that as it is... .from the school's point of view. 

I haven't disclosed that my ex has battered her H twice now,  the first time almost being reported to CPS. The school isn't likely to want to get involved unless a child is in immediate danger,  or mandatory reporting rules are triggered.  I'm trying very hard to walk the line not to play "triangulate the teacher/principal."

How much detail is in the order?  When I went through my 2 year divorce I was astounded at how much the court wasn't interested in the poor behaviors.  I testified early on, even before I filed for divorce, how she would kick, hit and pull my hair while I was driving with our child at highways speeds on the interstate.  I would have thought the court would view that as endangering our child.  At that point she had a temp custody order for our preschooler - but I had TPO possession of the home during her Threat of DV case.  Yeah, I know, I had protection in one court but she had our son in family court.  Go figure.  Time passed, the temp orders lapsed and I filed for divorce.  We got the very same magistrate I testified before, he just put her back in control again with temp custody and majority time.  Didn't faze that magistrate one bit.

Anyway, in our final decree nothing was listed negatively about either of us.

Oh, and another concept my lawyer described to me is that once a matter has been heard and addressed, the court viewed it as resolved and not a current issue.  Maybe it can be used for history but not much else.